So I've been thinking alot about having a social life and how I think Im afriad to have one. I have friends they just dont live close though I wish they did. I have never been in a real relationship before and I really dont know how to start one. I think Im just getting sucked into my lonliness. I did think to my self that a social life would be exhausting though and sometime disappointing. Disappointing because my friends may not be around all the time to hang out though they have time to hang out seems that they just dont want to. I know this because they would do things without me or always be busy. I dont know what I could have done to them to not want them to hang out with me. I am totally not an overbearing person. I dont need anyone ever second of the day. But you know to go out and eat something together ever once in awhile would be cool. Even when I was there it seemed they didnt want me there. What if I start a social life and that happens again. But my life cant be healthy. I mean I stay in the house unless I have school which is only Wednesdays and Saturdays. I did go to the movies this past weekend and it was fun. But i know just hibernating isnt good. Though I do wish I could have my own place so I wouldnt feel crappy if I wanted to sleep all. Why is it such a bad thing to want to sleep past 8 am. Seems to me people think you're lazy or something. Well what if that person has nothing to do that day. I find myself with nothing to do all the time and it worries me. I just dont know what to do anymore. I look for jobs but I never get a response. I would love to work but its not my fault that I'm not working. Maybe I just worry about things to much. I kind of just wish to be left alone. I talk to people at school but something tell me that they are just trying to be nice. I dont know what to do anymore. Maybe I need to get out more. But I find myself very lonely when I do that.

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