So it hasn't been a very good birthday. Not when I feel depressed about it. That's when it all hits me that pretty much nothing in my life is how I want it to be. On their birthdays, other people have friends to hang out with, and they can go out and do something exciting, and everyone is happy for them. Me, no. All I had is Mom and Dad taking me to an archery lesson, which was nice. But I don't like how every other day of the year they don't seem to give a crap about my happiness. Like Mom has said she doesn't want a funeral where people who never cared about her while she was alive can act like they do then, that's how I feel today. Mom calls herself my friend, but when I just want to talk she doesn't want to pay attention. Her eyes are glued to her computer screen. And this has been the worst, most depressing year of my whole life. I'd just like to get out once in a while, even just to go to the store. But no. I got to spend six months straight alone like 90% of the time while they spent the summer at their camper. Of course, without a vehicle or any friends I didn't get to go anywhere.

So why act like you care about me on my birthday? Only Mom and Dad of course. Sister couldn't even smile or say a word to me, even though I got her a little of something for her birthday because I wanted her to have a present. She doesn't give a crap about me ANY day of the year, but at least she isn't pretending then.

I hope to get a job so my next birthday doesn't have to stink as much as this one, but I have so much anxiety about it I'm dreading looking for one. A job interview sounds horrible. And I don't know what to do. A minimum wage job probably isn't going to get me out of this crappy house anyway.

So yeah. Stuck in this horrible house almost 24/7, with a family that mostly stays in separate rooms on computers. I wish I had a family that actually acted like one and did things together and supported each other. And NOT just on my birthday.

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