I spent much of my morning telling myself I was worthless. I missed school on Tuesday because I was feeling so terrible from the flu, and today have learned that it set me back pretty far. I had a quiz in Chemistry and only knew how to answer one question out of four.

I've felt like a trainwreck physically and emotionally. I'm so ashamed of myself for getting sick, and I've been treated like a leper at school because when I can't help but cough, people around me get repulsed and act like I should be banished from the class.

More drama at home, of course – my brother is practically letting his fiance's parents decide his fate. He has a great job here and he's about to throw it all away because his fiance is so attached to her parents that they run her life, so she can't make any decisions for herself. It's pretty fucking pathetic that the plan was for her to move down here so he could keep his job, and now the parents have decided for him that he has to move up there and find a new job so he and his fiance will fucking babysit them. And Mom's irate about all of this. What a fucking joke.

Also dealing with the reality that in about 5 months or so I will probably be moving is hitting me right now too. I mean yeah I want to move out of this city because I've lived here 25 years and hate the damn place, but at the same time I don't know if I can leave here with Mom in the state she is. She keeps telling us that she doesn't need us to take care of her, but I'm always worried about her.

I wish I had a pick-me-up. Anything.

1 Comment
  1. QuadRaptor 11 years ago

    Heya Rosey –

    Robitussen and Ricola cough drops really helped me get through this week.  I've almost recovered from my symptoms now, mostly just have a cough and a runny nose but at least I don't have the sore throat anymore.

    I know my brother's making his own decisions, but I hate that I'm 4 years younger than him and see what he is getting into as a bad deal.  We want him to marry his fiance, but we want him to have his own life too, and not being stuck in a really crappy situation.  I'm not sure how that will play out but I think the new idea is maybe the two of them having a 'seperated' marriage until his fiance is ready to move down here.  That's definitely better than him living up there as her parent's personal maid.

    Mom wants me to move.  I've always wanted to go see the world, and staying here in this crappy city won't get me anywhere.  As she said, she wouldn't be a good parent if I didn't get to have my own life.  That being said, I want to make sure she is stable before I go.  Hopefully that will all work out well.

    Thank you for the suggestion, I'll find something funny to watch over the weekend.  And thank you for the thoughtful comment.  It really means a lot.

    0 kudos

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