I guess it kind of fits that I'm sitting here writing my first blog entry in class on my cellphone. For those of you who don't know, art school is Hell. I mean, it's wonderful, and it's teaching me to be a critical thinking, problem-solving individualist. But it's a straining process, stretching the student as far as their poor mental states will allow, and then some. And for people like me, well, my mental state isn't the greatest. So the road to my passion is a road through Hell. Go figure. I've tried to get into a position that would help me through school. I can file for disability if I go through the right people and meet the qualifications. I started that journey, but let me tell you, there was a lot of hoop jumping. Maybe you can realise that hoop jumping is a little difficult when you're finding it hard enough just to get out of bed in the morning. But after an inception of references pointing me to references pointing me to references, I gave up. It was too much to handle on top of the work load and stress I already had. I promised myself that I would make it to summer, and in the freedom of summer, I would focus all of my energy into getting myself the help I needed. Well, summer vacation is less than a week away now. I made it. Maybe just in time, too. For the very first time in my life, I've failed something. Just one course, thankfully, it could be worse. But if you'd known me before all this, you'd know how shocking that is for me. For my proud family and straight-laced friends. I feel more like a failure than I ever have before, and I can feel my mood crashing into a deep, dark low. I feel like I can handle this, can accept that I did what I could given the circumstances and move on. But what about the people who can't comprehend what I'm going through. Who think I'm blowing life's ups and downs out of proportion and simply being lazy. How do I make them see that everything's different now? That I can't control anything?I don't know what to do. I don't.

1 Comment
  1. Spookloops 9 years ago

    I hear you. It IS overwhelming. Pulling it apart into baby steps instead of staring at the big picture of the whole process really helps. Focus on one step at a time. 

    You reached your first goal – to make it to summer. Be proud that you reached such a large goal – getting through a whole session of art school is no joke, and you're definitely not a failure since you've made it to the end of the term and passed the other courses! Use the achievement of reaching that goal as fuel to take the next step, and then that achievement as fuel for the next step, and so on. Let the momentum help move you forward.

    I don't know you, but I have faith in you because you're already taking steps forward and reaching goals you've set.  Don't lose sight of your achievements and let them help you move forward!

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