yeaterday , ohhhh what a day, well some of it. Went to work, i work right near my place so suffer only a few minutes of paranoia bout people staring at me…at work i feel mostly ok as i work in mental health, yea ironic i know, but working in mental health i feel understood and not judged by most of the people there. where i wouldnt working in a diff field. Got my daughter from school, she had a friend staying 2, all the while in the playground thinking, do i look 2 thin, do i look 2 thin,{nightmare} im 5 feet 5 and just 9 stones id like to b 9 and a half…. im within the healthy range…bloody dysmorphia……. anyway, met a friend and her child and decided to go to the beach,[i hate crowded beaches , everyone staring} anyway we knew there wernt a lot of tourists around, my friend asked me if i was going to wear a swimming costume, that made me laugh for ages! I had jeans and a top on . i decided to go to the bank and withdraw some money and the bank swallowed my card……the bank says it has no idea why and have issued another aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh,
got to the beach met my friends boyfriend and he had some mates with him, thought sxxt! They all stared and i wanted to leave straight away and loads of rubbish started coming out of my mouth wich they laughed at but a couple of them looked at me as if i was insane, then my daughter did something which she never does had a major fit! she was a nightmare, oh i wish the ground could have swallowed me up, i was very upset by it……got home and felt terrible and then thought, have to go out tommorrow……if i could just stay in that would be brilliant….im exhausted……
