Lately I've been in one of those moods where I'm kinda alright, but I feel like anxiety is just creeping it's way on in. It's hard to explain. I'm not overly anxious, but yet I feel like a panic attack is coming. Things trigger me, and I hate this because I should have better control over my body, but when I see or hear certain things I tend to get very anxious. When I'm in phases like this I sometimes isolate myself a bit, because people can trigger me without meaning to. I wish I was better at explaining what I mean, but I just don't know how else to really describe it. I'm really sensitive to health problems because my Mom is really sick and has been for awhile. So when I see certain commericals I'll get all worried thinking that I have the symptoms. I usually convince myself that I'm really sick and worry endlessly about it. It doesn't make sense, and I know that, but it still bothers me enough to make my life more difficult. I have been ok lately. I've been really focused on school work and doing well, and the math is keeping me busy. Still, I can't shake that feeling of dread. That something will happen, and that I won't be able to handle it. I always worry that I won't be able to handle something that happens in my life, and that I'll completely fall apart. I just try to remind myself that I have no control over some things that happen, and that I just need to accept them. It feels like whenever I'm happy that something bad will happen, so I might as well just be miserable all the time. Lady Gaga said something along the lines of 'I'm always a laugh away from a tear.' I feel that way all the time. I'm not a huge Gaga fan, but I can relate to that quote. I always feel like I'm right in between being happy and being miserable. It seems like whenever I'm kinda happy, there is always someone there who is just waiting to try to bring me down. It's sad, because I'm a very caring person and it's sad that some people like to always make a problem for others. I guess it's because they're so unhappy that they can't stand to see anyone else happy. I've decided to only surround myself with people who make me smile. If someone starts drama, or is always bringing me down I'm just going to not talk to them. I don't need any more stress than what I have. That's what doctors are for. They're paid to listen to problems and help solve them, not me. I don't want that to sound mean, but I just can't emotionally take on anyone else's issues. I have more than enough of my own.I want happy people in my life who actually enjoy life…and that's it. It's all about creating your own happiness. I'm tired of being anxious all the time. I want to laugh and smile and not have to feel bad about it. There's no reason that I should have to feel bad. I should be happy. I deserve some happiness. So I'm just going to create it, and leave all the unhappiness behind me.