A happy new year to all..hope 2012 brings happiness to everyone..that said,I will get down to how I feel.If I was to choose my mood, I'd say depressed, frustrated, angry, lonely and sad. That's been my first day of 2012. Its now the second day, its a little after midnight.I don't think I have ever needed support like I do right now. My best friend who is the only person who knows my status has been back home for about a week now. He leaves tomorrow. I have seen him twice, both times rather briefly because he has “other commitments”. He knows how much I need him but he seems to give all of 2 shits about me. I have been struggling to keep it together lately because of other things that have been happening as well but his total disregard for me is what baffled me the most. I had what I think was a panic attack a few nights ago and I called him hysterically..he did not pick up his phone. Even after texting him, he ignored me. I don't know who he is anymore.. This was a person I'd talk to all day, everyday and we were in different continents! A friendship I thought would survive all odds..I guess I was delusional! I trusted this guy fully. He knows everything there is to know about me. He had promised to be there for me always.I know I need to let him go and I truelly want to but I literally have no one else. I have been looking for support groups locally but still no luck. Apparently I don't handle stress as well as I thought I did coz I have dropped some weight(I now look like a swim suit model..that's not always a good thing coz being African, I love my ass lol!) I'm scared my health will start failing sooner than later. My appetite has gone to shit..and I'm not sleeping enough. I wish there was a quick fix for this but I don't see any..I'm open to suggestions from anyone. Thing is, I know I'm a strong person and I will get past this but it would really help to have some support. I'm not on any meds yet and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. Losing my best friend is taking a toll on me. What can I do to stay healthy and reduce the stress? I gatta find a local support group soon.. I'm an extrovert being forced to become an introvert. In short I feel really really sad..I'm in a bad place and I'm all alone.
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Hope things turn out well for you in 2012. Its your friends loss, take care and i hope you can find or start a support group where you are at.
Thank you guys for your comments. Technique, I would start the meds but the system here is different. I'm still trying to find a good independent doctor. HIV meds are free from care centers but they operate on set guidelines..I can't choose to start the meds early. Meds are started when one hits 350. I'm still trying to get information.
I have been dealing with this crappy disease for almost 7 years now and i had to be on meds since the start. i have a lot of troubles with them and compliance is a real problem with me. i tend to feel worse on the meds and have a hard believing they are really helping instead of hurting. some do better on them and when you find a good mix they can be tolerable. if you don't have to be on them yet, it's a good thing if you are healthy in a basic sense already. The way to keep good and going is watch what you eat-and make sure you eat healthy. Fruits and veggies are your friends!
Vitamins and herbals are good to look into as well. As far as stress goes, deep breathing, music and talking to someone usually works for me. Like you I don't have many people around me. The ones I do sometimes listen, most of the time I have to deal with things on my own. I have resisted counseling and therapy for years, but finally reached out on here and it does help! If you ever need me, I am here for you and you can write me anytime-good luck with everything!