Today’s not been a great day, I’m so stressed out and just, well…miserable.  I hate my life, I really do.  Nothing is what I expected it to be. I mean, I love my kids dearly, don’t get me wrong, but there are just so many things within my life that are really wearing me down and I really have no idea how to deal with most of them.  My daughter is so frustrating with her behaviors and temper tantrums.  She’s ten years old with the mind of a four year old and the temperament of a toddler. When she doesn’t get her way she gets into these screaming fits of rage where she rattles the glass and shakes the walls with the mere pitch of her voice.  Shes like an opera singer on steroids.  My son is eight and has been diagnosed with ADHD.  For the most part he’s a good kid just hyper active and slightly scatter brained. He is extremely creative, very imaginative, and I think pretty damn intelligent.  He’s also an obstinate smart ass. I think what set me off today was the fact that I went to the store, had a whole cart full of things that I intended to buy and when I got to the check out I realize that my bank card was missing.  This really upset me because my partner and I had just had a talk the day before about budgeting and finances and saving money so the only thing that I can conclude as to why my card was gone is that last night while I was sleeping he took it upon himself to take my card and go get fast food instead of waiting for morning when food stamps came in.

I was livid as I drove back home. He was still in bed when I came through the front door (at 1:57 pm) so I proceeded head up the stairs and into our room and take his wallet out of the jeans that he taken off and thrown on the floor like he does every night.  I brought the wallet down stairs and found my card along with 14 dollars of my money that he lied about having (no shocker there).  I seriously am getting sick of this.  I really want him to get out and look for a job.  I can’t keep supporting him this way while he sleeps all day because his depression makes it way too difficult for him to function normally. He’s started seeing a therapist finally and I am glad for that. I hope he can start to work through some of his issues. Yeah I understand that he’s depressed, I am too, but I still have to drag my ass out of bed, cook, clean, pay bills and take care of my kids. I don’t have the luxury of catering to my own needs.  If I’m in a funk of depression, tough shit. If I’m sick oh well. No one rushes over to help me out when I feel like crap, my kids don’t magically disappear and the house doesn’t clean itself and quite frankly, no one else in this house cleans it either.

I’ve tried to bring up these issues to my partner but he just gets angry and thinks that I am being too bossy and demanding. I’m like shit man! All I want is a little support here. Empty a trash can, clean a toilet! When did I become your little whipping boy??  I brought up about him getting a job and all I get in return is well maybe YOU should go look for a job.  Excuse me? I may not have a “traditional” job but I write and make consistent money with my writing. It’s not a lot, we’re not rich by any means, but what I write is enough to help pay the bills, keep my partner in cigarettes and pop, and even gives me a little extra to play with in case we decide to go out to eat or take a weekend vacation from the kids and get a cheap hotel room or something (preferably with a pool lol).  So, I don’t know what his issue with me, like he should even have one. Sometimes I think he expects me to do more and be his little slave boy but yeah, like that’s gonna happen!  Demons in hell will be selling ice pops to angels before I bow down and kiss anyone’s ass.  He just needs to get his ass in gear and get his shit together or things around here are going to change dramatically because I’m just not going to put up with it anymore.  I seriously am at the end of my rope and if I fall, I’m bringing the entire house down with me!

  1. telknit23 5 years ago

    You do have a way with words 🙂 It is often the strong ones like you who get taken advantage of. There are some people who just cannot get themselves up and moving no matter how much they know they need to, and others like you who are able to keep going in spite of obstacles (and some in the middle, who just need really intense motivation). The strong ones like you end up supporting the others. This is going to sound like very cold advice, but I think you need to do a rational analysis of what your guy does for you vs. what he demands from you, and decide whether you would be better off without him. There is no doubt that he is adding to the stress in your life, but is he also helping take care of the kids, or providing some income or emotional support? How much would you miss him if he wasn’t around? Things to think about….

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  2. jlloyd_chadwick 5 years ago

    this sounds so unfair on your part, it is as if your partner does not even know you are there except to cater for their every whim and need, including finances.
    You seriously need to have a talk about it with your partner, as this seems to me to be a one sided relationship which is not good for you or the kids, and certainly not if your partner is stealing from you. Theft is still THEFT no matter how it is worded. It is WRONG and also ILLEGAL.
    I really feel sorry for you and whilst I do not know about issues like food stamps and the problems that it can bring, I do know what tight finances are like and I know it is not a nice place to be in, especially when you are struggling to make ends meet yourself, to have someone else think that you are a personal bank loan just for them.
    My heart goes out to you, and hopes that you will find strength to sort you partner out over this, but if you fell like chatting you are welcome to message me anytime.


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  3. sullengirl76 5 years ago

    I am sorry you are going through this right now. I am often more like your husband, too depressed to function. I have a job and pitch in financially – and it is usually me who spends time with our son, rather than my husband. But otherwise, I know I don’t do enough around the house and I know my husband often feels a lot like you do.

    From the other side of this – I can tell you that I never intend to make my husband’s life more difficult. I fully intend to clean-up after myself. It is just not as quickly as my husband would like, so he gets impatient and does it himself. I suspect some of this is going on with you and your partner – that he is not intentionally being messy, but just doesn’t have the same time-table you have. Maybe he’s not as concerned about cleanliness or maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself to keep up appearances. In any case, it sounds like you both are speaking different languages in terms of how to express love and support to each other.

    I think you both could benefit from couples therapy. It would benefit both of you to learn coping skills for when each of you has flare-ups. No one chooses to feel the way depression makes one feel, but that does not mean it is easy to live with someone who has it. It is okay to ask someone to mediate between the two of you and help you find ways to make this relationship work for each of you.

    I wish you and your partner well.

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  4. Author
    sessy 5 years ago

    Thank you all for the comments I really appreciate it. My partner does not have a job or an income so I support him financially but he is waiting on inheritance from his mom. He should be getting a sizeable amount in a week or so according to his sister and he has promised to give me a good portion of it towards bills and living expenses. He does help out with the kids a great deal though and is very loving towards them and I know that they love him a great deal. He is really sweet and treats me really good and I know that his issues with sleeping and not doing much around the house is due to his depression issues. I agree that we need to do some couples therapy and I may speak to his therapist about maybe doing a double session or something. I don’t think that were at the point where I’m ready to just give up but I agree that there are things he and I need to work through. Thanks again everyone for your comments, it helps to have people to talk to. 🙂

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  5. dragongirl 5 years ago

    Hey sunshine your partner sounds like a freeloader sorry but I’m blunt!!!! Hmm maybe you should find a therapist just for you so you can learn how to set BOUNDARIES WITH your partner and children! A couple suggestions, 1 give the children chores and in return offer a reward NOT CASH!!!!! I’d say maybe Ice Cream or Television. Here is my best suggestion Hire a house keeper 4 hours a week on one day of the week for $10 and hour. All your spending is $40 a week for a clean house and peace of mind. It’s not up to your partner or kids frankly in my opinion. They don’y respect that you do everything therefore you pay the bills. YOU HAVE EVRY RIGHT TO HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER EVEN A NANNY. ID USE THAT AS A THREAT TO YOUR KIDS IF THEY DON’T BEHAVE THAT YOU’LL GET A NANNY. THEY’D HAVE A FIT.. If you’d like to chat more email me [email protected].

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  6. Author
    sessy 5 years ago

    Thank you for your reply dragongirl. I have made a chore list for the kids that they are required to do each and everyday before any TV time, computer or play time. So far it seems to working to an extent. My son is really good at keeping up with the chores but my daughter needs more coaching because of her Autism. She will do a good job with strict supervision and after shes had her after noon nap lol.

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