I’ve gone 4 days without food
4 lonely days without anything entering my body
4 days surviving off of liquid
4 days hurting and looking at my scale
I’ve gone 4 days feeling fat
4 days looking in the mirror for hours
4 days crying while holding my body
4 days promising to leave the food alone
ive gone 4 days feeling hungry
4 days hurting and knowing it’s working
4 days enjoying my stomach cry for food
4 days searching for the hunger to grow
ive gone 4 days with tired
4 days no sleep, falling down a rabbit hole
4 days watching the bages grow under my eyes
4 days with exhaustion surrounding my thoughts
and I’ve gone 4 days feeling hurt.
4 days knowing my body isn’t right enough
4 days wanting to be tinier than tiny
4 days searching for ways to drop the weight
but despite all of this. The worst of it all, is I’ve gone 4 days having to live with death creeping in. I’ve gone 4 days pushing the devil back down. 4 days waiting to fall and never rise, 4 days having the dark consume me.
and the dark taking me under will be okay. It will be okay when my 4 days become enough.