On the first day of 8th grade, i got up to go to school just like normal, except while i was waiting for the bus i got sick and started throwing up. the next day i woke up crying for no reason and couldn\'t stop. the third day was the same. by the fourth day i could barely pull myself out of bed and drag myself out to the couch. i layed there and stared at the wall. my mom came up to me and said "i think you\'re depressed". she had dealt with depression earlier in her life. I missed the first 2 weeks of school and also had multiple panis attacks, usually at night because i was anticipating the next day. i went to a counselor and i miracously felt fine one day and went to school. after winter break it happened again and this time i went to a psychiatrist who put me on lexapro 10mg. i hated the idea of taking medicine becuase i felt like i was going crazy. the medicine helped, and i hade a great sophomore year. i was doing so good that we decided to lower my dosage the summer before my junior year, and everything feel apart. i feel into a deep depression, dropped out of my activities at school, dropped my honors classes because i couldn\'t keep up because i wasn\'t able to go to school. i missed two whole months. i had a tutor but i basically had to teach myself everything in order not to fall behind. my psychiatrist raised my dosage to 20 mg, and i started going to school part-time, gradually adding classes when i felt up to it. i finally made it back, but school has always been a major stressor for me. we discovered i had generalized anxiety disorder, which makes sense because i freak out about the smallest things. i\'m in my freshman year of collge now, and i\'m constantly feeling over-heated, short-of-breath, and lightheaded. I feel like even though i\'m on medication, i\'m never going to be "normal" again, because this is my new normal. I\'m learning to deal with this, but i\'ve been having a rough time lately because i\'m worried about a field trip we\'re taking in my class into chicago. its only a 40 min drive, but i\'m scared of riding in buses because i get extremely carsick and i don\'t want to start freaking out in front of the class. this fear is spreading into everything i do, and all i do lately is cry. i don\'t know why i have to be like this.