What is this?
I went to visit my dadthree nights agoin hospital, it's about 30 miles away. I knew the drive was going to be tough as I was already feeling disconnected and afraid of being with people (this includes my family) when I got to the hospital, I was with my dad, sister, partner of 6 years and my baby, all of whom I love dearly, but all of whom I was feeling completely disconnected from. Anyway, this anxiety around my family caused me to start crying in the car on the way back, my anxiety escalated into a feeling of the world not being real, of the people I was with not really being there, I felt completely alone and confused, a feeling like (metaphorically) floating around aimlessly in the universe with absolutely no idea what I'm doing there and feeling absolutely terrified and alone. Eventually I collapsed, by which time I was really crying, exhausted, my mind went quiet and I felt like I was about to tap into something in my head and everything would click into place and I would be ok, but then I heard my baby screaming and I was snapped out of it (to my annoyance) I just don't know what to do to make it all better, and to feel like I am real and connected to people.
The next day I had an episode that was much shorter but a lot worse, feeling terrified of everything and everyone, eventually I took a diazepam and went to sleep. I had feelings of wanting to drink and do something reckless.
Saturday I kept myself busy and distracted, feeling low but trying not to think about it,my care co-ordinatoradvised me to ride any negative feelings but Icouldn't as I wastoo scared.
Today from around 10 o’clock in the morning till 3 o’clock in the afternoon I felt extremely low, tired and was thinking about suicide again. Around 3 o’clock I suddenly seemed to snap out of it and at the moment I am feeling fine.
What the fuck is going on?
Related Articles
-
Why is this happening to me again
missnovacane, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 4
Dear tribers … I am so upset right now I dont know where to start, I am in in...
-
Suffering with anxiety and feeling like i'm the only one
Anxious1978, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Child, Hypnotherapy, Parenting, Therapist, 1
I have been suffering with anxiety for the last 4 years and i used to think that i was...
-
another month…*sigh
delane1, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Career, Chronic Pain, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, 1
…gonna try and see if this one stays put, this time…i’m getting really tired of typing and accidentally erasing...
-
going back in time
Nsadnama, , Anxiety, Depression, Teens, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Therapist, 1
I was clean before all of this. I went through four years without a single break down, attack, a...
-
A Big Chunk of My Story
SeptemberEnds, , Anxiety, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Religion, Therapist, 2
I've never said this out loud or anything because I didn't want to blame this person. The one time...
-
Anxiety after anxiety
phoenixphyre, , Anxiety, Anxiety, 0
This sux. It really does. I was looking forward to the weekend all week (duh, who doesn't) and sure...
-
Blah Blah Blog…..
nick1991, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, HIV or Aids, LGBT, Medication, Therapy, 1
Today is one of those days that I just really don’t know what to write about. For the last...
-
0 Comments