Im still up.tierd but cant go to bed yet because im so anxious. my head hurts and I can feel the fear. Im just trying to stay calm. I spent the majority of my day yesterday sleeping. I woke up with this intense feeling of depression. I had to again force myself to eat,then shower. I stood in the mirror for 20 minutes or more feeling horrible.I forced myself to then get dressed to go to recovery church.I asked god to please help me,give me the strength I need to go to service. I hesitated. when I finally decided to leave it was 7:36. mind you church started at 7:30. When I arrived it was 8:00. They were having a dinner party,to celebrate people who wore sobber for that month or longer. I grabed a plate and found a seat at a table.one of the ladies asked me if i was ok. I automatically teared up and told her how anxious and depressed ivs been. she aldo told me how she suffers from depression and how she has to force herself out of bed and keep busy. we wrapped up the conversation because it was time to sing and worship. as i listened to the music playing, i tried to sing along,but I felt more tears runing down my cheeks.I ran to the bathroom and i began to cry even more.why do i feel so down?I feel weak,like i shouldnt be here,I should just leave and go home. as i pulled myslef together to walk back in, i ran into another lady and we talked for a while. It took my mind off my depression and finally walked back in and listened to the testimony that was being shared.Before i left chuch i again prayed and asked god to helpe with this depression,When i left church i felt relief. i stopped by a water front park and just walked and mentally had a talk with myself.I kept telling myself to be strong. To fight to be happy. I dont feel depressed at this right now,and i qana keep it that way. I just want my anxiety to let me rest.