Thank you to everyone being so welcoming. Thank you in particular to the person that chatted to me for over 2 hours (you know who u r), to connect to someone meant so much to me. Thanks to this site I know longer feel like the only person in the world with social anxiety. I would like to know if there is anyone out there with borderline personality disorder, I would really like to hear their thoughts and experiences on that.

Anyway, I\'ve woken up this morning and my heart is absolutely racing and the tears are streaming down my cheeks and yet I felt better last night, this is so frustrating. When does this end. I want the normal life I see others have. I want to go camping with a group of people that are my friends. Unfortunately, I don\'t have too many friends. I have people that I go out with on a night out but don\'t have much past that. My close friends don\'t have big groups of friends either and we are not a group of friends, they are all seperate from each other.

I want a group of friends, a group where we can have parties, go away, hang out together, have bbq\'s. I only ever seem to have that when its through a boyfriends friends.

I\'m supposed to meet up with a friend today and I want to tell her everything but I\'m scared she will run a mile. I think she has social anxiety too, I\'m pretty much her only friend but she does have alot of family friends.

I\'ve always thought I was a bad friend until I came to this site then I realised its because of the social anxiety and probably a bit of bpd. I always thought , am I talking too much about myself and they are picking up that when I\'m out I\'m looking around the room for male attention and not focusing on them. I\'ve tried in the last couple of years to keep focused on them and not have it all about me.

I\'m an over thinker but I\'ve worked hard to stop that happening and I don\'t do it so much anymore. I get really hurt when I feel rejected but I\'ve also learnt not to lash out at people when i feel that.

I\'m doing a course in teaching adult learners to force me into more social situations but the other students are older so I can\'t form any friendships there. I\'ve also joined a group called soul biscuit, where we sing mainly motown songs and its fun. I just feel like I\'m doing all the right things and I\'m disappointed that I\'m not being rewarded for that. I believe if we do the right thing that life will do the right thing by us. How much more can I do???

If you have gotten this far in my blog I\'m amazed and very appreicative as its a long one. I do hope when I\'m feeling better I can help others.

 

1 Comment
  1. Jack21 11 years ago

    All I can really say is that I can empathize. I feel just as you do about the same things. Keep trying. Some days are better than others, but I\'m sure you know that already. If you think that you\'re a \”bad friend\” I can assure you that I have you beat. Being in this boat is seldom enjoyable, but this is where we find ourselves, and all we can do is to take one day at a time. Welcome.

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    1 kudos

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