fighting…nothing but fighting and putting me and my brother in the middle has been happening. though i get used as her excuse more because of all my problems.

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i screamed and told her 'I KNOW ALREADY!" even though it was directed to dad, i hurt me, she said cruel demeaning things, which was meant for dad but whiplashed me as well.

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she's a cruel abusive person, when hurt she needs to hurt others, i'm usually her scapegoat and it's only been getting worse lately.

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i'm so sick of this, the only right thing i agree with dad is, she should have never put us in the middle of their fights. i can remember doing that since 3yrs old atleast.

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she's torn me down so much over the years. about my problems, how i never tell her anything (which isn't true! i try to explain but she brushes it off or uses it against me later on)

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i'm tired of being bullied by just not strangers or kids from when i was in school, but my family as well.

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i was doing so much better when i was away from them at treatment centers. but i can't get awaynot now.

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i really want to go to the UK and just disappear, so that they or anyone from my past can't find me unless i want them to.

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my heart hurts, it's on fire and burning a hole through my chest. i can't take anymore hits. my hounds never heal they just deepen. i think it's gone all the way through to the other side of my body.

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i don't just has physical scars,, but millions of mental ones as well.

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i can't do this….I can't.

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i already know dad doesn't care for us,, i already know i'm an adult now (turned 20 in feb) and should be doing something then hiding,i know i'm the biggest disappointment and fuck up.but i'm wounded and i can't seem to heal.

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please someone or thing take me away…or atleast if i try to take my life again, let it WORK this time. i'm not meant for this place.