When I think about it… my life kinda makes me just want to laugh at loud. All the bullshit, disappointments, misunderstandings, the good/bad, and the strange. When I woke up and realized I was still alive, I just thought to myself, "WTF~! Are you kidding me?" The doctor told me my heart had stopped and what not and they used the defibulator. I was told my heart had stopped roughly for half a minute and that my BP I think was double of the normal rate. I somehow cheated death, so I ended up laughing about it to myself later that night. When they admitted me to the mental hospital, I think that’s when I really found out who really knew me and cared. My family changed and my school counselor had often visited me over the month. My friends were oblivious to what had happened and the church I had attended abandoned me. I knew some things were just lies I had wanted to believe in so much and at times, I find myself still falling for that same mistake. Trynig to care too much or whatever. It’s sad the way things have to be. I forced myself to laugh over these last 8 years. I suppose it sounds genuine but to me it just feels so damn fake. This life I’ve lived shouldn’t be, Why am I still alive? There are those around me so much more deserving but aren’t given the chance, yet I have to option to live but I cannot. I can’t help but just laugh at this life I live. However pathetic I think I am, I want to believe I’m who I am for a reason. I remember clearly one thing that the psychiatrist at that hospital actually made me question: If my depression is caused by a chemical imbalance as she suggests, then does that mean my times of joy and saddness were a lie because I was just overwhelmed due to a chemical deficiency? I hate to think that the latter answer to this question about my life would make most of my life a lie. Like I said, makes you kinda just laugh at it all.
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Tears & tantrums
sadjac, , Depression, Anger, 0
No I’m not talking about a 3 y.o. Mind you I sometimes have the IQ of one. Today I...
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Alone
BrokenDoll17, , Anxiety, Depression, 2
One little hit, doesn’t really matter, one busted lip a single black eye, there’s no need for me to...
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Dread
OopsDoomed, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, 0
I hadn't felt this kind of utter, sheer hopelessness in a long time. My heat had been shut off...
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A Little Bit Stronger
shutdown, , Depression, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression, Therapy, 0
www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk Just caught the images and words of this video, and thought…if I were to insert every person...
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Where to begin…
MJDoe, , Depression, Anxiety, Relationships, Social Anxiety, 0
Well where to start? I guess I'll just go off what's on my brain at this very minute…I may...
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Quitting my job
be_brave, , Depression, Bipolar, Career, Questions, Relationships, 3
So, I'm thinking of quitting my job. I used to love it. Now every day is just dragging myself...
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Idk
xtainted, , Depression, Child, Relationships, 3
I’m not even sure what is in my own brain anymore. I just logged back onto this just hoping...
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In agony needing a miracle
Lunesta, , Depression, Addiction, Bipolar, Child, Depression, Suicide, Therapist, 0
I am bipolar, recovering alcoholic, anorixic, been in severe depression for about 3 months. Now, I am in Denver away...