So I am 47 years old, and feel as though I am only alive to keep the wife and family supplied with money…and to be a wipping boy for each of them….I have four boys which range from 16 years old to 23 years old. They all still live with me. I resieve nothing from them except hard times and reasons for being deppressed. My wife and I have been married for 24 years, which have been very hard…she is basically living proof that a woman can spend as much money as she can and do what ever she wants to do without reprecussions from me… SHe has slept around on me, and treated me as though I am less than human for so many years that I feel as though I should never have gotten marrie to her or anyone for that matter…I have nothing to show from her except the four boys….I am Mormon…and so is she so I thought…but shortly after we were married she started to show how numb she is to anyone….It has been about 6 years since we have had sex, and I feel as though there is nothing to do but die..in order to get out of this bad situation…She thinks she is always right…yet for any one who knows anything about life they know she is only in this relationship because she is afraid of being alone…I am down…and feel that I cannot be the happy person which I have been before I married her because she is always right…and I know nothing…even though I have a good job which provides the support for this family..I am in college to get my degree in business, I have operated heavy equipment, trucks, battle tanks, now I am a safety professional who writes reports, does inspections, and writes policies and proceedures…So I have the ability to learn and grow in almost everything I set out to learn…I am capable of doing many things…yet she seems to think I know nothing..and do nothing…She has been through several jobs and cannot keep them because the people are being mean to her she says…Mostly I believe that they told her she was not right so they are being mean….I need to get out before I am no longer
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I think i can kind of understand your situation. You do need to get out, but from the mormon culture it would be hard because of the beliefs. Were you married in a temple? Are you afraid to get out of the situation because of the covenants you have made?
I also think i should suffer so everyone else can be happy. I am starting to realize that i need to be happy. I was abused sexually, emotionally, and physically by my brother when i was younger. I am in college now and have just recently started seeing a counselor. She suggests i tell my parents about the abuse while i am home for christmas break. I plan to, but i haven”t yet. I still have fear. i am afraid my family is going to fall apart. Everything is good, why should everyone suffer? those are my thoughts, why should everyone suffer, if i keep it to myself everyone can be happy. but i also think i have a right to be happy. i don”t know what it means to truly be happy. i want that feeling. you need that as well. you need to be happy. its time to start caring for yourself.
I had a very similar marriage at one time. It is at least acceptable to be lonely when you are alone but feeling lonely in a marriage is torture. When you know that respect is lost there is no point no matter how hard you try.
You should at least agree a time out separation and get yourself some support. Wishing you well and peace of mind soon x x
THanks for all of the comments…Step06 you are correct it is hard to get out when you feel the covenants you have made are backed up by God…The problem is I am not looking to devistate her… she is a good person I think she is very depressed as well…but too hard headed to accept any help from me….Gemlyn…you are correct as well the idea that there is someone there that will only expect you to listen to their rantings…and anything you have to say in of no importance…is torture…Thanks for your comments….Fourty Four…Life matters Huh??? I will look into it…Deeprhatt