I am a 35 year old lesbian who is married and has been for 2 years. Since I told my mom that I wanted to be with a female, I have been neglected, disowned, unloved and have become more than the black sheep in the family, I have become the runt who gets slaughtered. My family was not at my wedding and when I told my mom that we were engaged, her response was, “you are making a mistake, you are downing yourself”. My heart shattered. My relationship with my parents changed then and there. My dad is my step-father. I never knew my real father. I heard stories from different family members on who they thought my father was but no. None of them were. They were just my mom’s flavor of the week or the month. Growing up without knowing who you are as a person and knowing that there is another person out there that shares your same DNA and you may look like because you don’t look like your mother or your brothers. I piece of me is missing. I have been wanting to find him for the longest but I don’t know where to start or who to start with.

I lost a part of me when my mother decided that I was no longer her daughter. We were so close and I thought that I would be able to tell her anything that was going on with me and she would understand. That wasn’t the case. Over the past few months, I hear from her only when she needs money or something. It is not to see what I am doing or how school is going. I am heartbroken to think that my mom only sees $$$$ signs when it comes to me. I don’t have a lot of money, my wife is the only one that works because I am in school and she just thinks that we have all the money in the world. I am the only one of her kids that has a high school education, 2 degrees and working on the 3rd and I get treated like crap. My brothers on the other hand, they don’t take care of their kids, cheated on their wives, turned to drugs and have been arrested. When it comes to them, they can do no wrong. When it comes to me, everything is wrong. I have been told that I am a mistake by the lake and that I shouldn’t even be here. The pain from that alone is something that can take a person down a dark path. What can a person do? Every year it is like something else happens and the path turns darker. How to get out of it? How can someone be helped when they become this way?

  1. maddieschnieds 4 years ago

    This is why I’m worried to come out…

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    • Author
      irishstar 4 years ago

      Hey Maddie,

      When I think about it, it is more their loss because I am growing as a person. I found someone to love me for me, be with me with all my flaws, scars, ups and downs and they are missing me being happy. I was scared to come out at 32… But I couldn’t hide who I was as a person anymore… I was tired of making everyone else happy but me… It will be hard but you will never be truly happy until you come out. There is a movie on Netflix called “Jenny’s Wedding” It is a must see for anyone who is having a hard time coming out… Please watch it… Maybe it will help… It helped me..

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