I cant help but get upset everytime i think of you. You were suposed to be the dad that i never had.. You were suposed to replace my dad and my step dads death. You were suposed to be there for me, to not act like them. You failed me. Its like every time i try to forgive men, they turn around and hurt me again. What more do you want from me? Its the same thing over and over and over again. I dont know what to do. All i have is hurt and anger in my heart now. I let you borrow money. you asked me if you could and i thought to myself "sure you know youve been there for me all this time. your like my father. the one i never had. if you need 2000 dollars from me to buy a car for your son thats cool". i didnt think that i was paying for the whole thing. I thought you were going to at least put something down as a down payment. "I'll pay you by this chrismas" you said. That was last christmas. Youve sence then paid me 600 dollars. And its not even that that hurts me the most. Its that the one time that i asked you if you were going to pay me soon you screemed at me. You hurt me. Who do you think you are? I did YOU a favor. I didnt have to. Get that right. Dont think your doing me a favor for paying me back. Youve sence then paid 800 dollars to fly to washington to see your other son, youve remodled your kitchen, and your bathroom, bought your son a futon, bought a new desk, and a new couch. Also a new workout massegn. You wonder why i dont want to talk to you. You act EXACTLY like my father. You screem at me, treat me like shit and then you say you love me? UMMMM i dont think so. I dont love you like i once did. I LOVED YOU. do you not understand that? I loved you! how stupid am i? I shouldnt have been so nieve. I wish you would just stop calling me. I dont want to hear your voice. Dont guilt trip your son just because hes my boyfriend. He cant make me come see you. Im not his pet. You make me so mad. Both of you. You and my father. Its like you think your on top of the world. Im so mad i want to throw my laptop. I want to key your car. I want to screem at you, i want to cuss you out. I want to delete your number and block you. I want to do all of this but i love your son so much that i dont cause any trouble because out of everyone that ive ever seen, talked to, dealt with, or lived with he has been the ONLY let me repeat myself the ONLY person that has EVER sticked by my side. Im so hurt, angry, upset and depressed i cant stand it. I just want to hide under the covers and screem but the only reason why i dont is because i know it wont change anything. When i wake up tomorrow everythings going to be the same. Nothings going to be different. What in the hell did i do to deserve this. I thought i was doing a good thing by helping people out. Apparently not because all yall want to do is use me. I should be used to it by now. because thats all yall have been doing to me.
ALSO i just found out you were going on vacation. you make me want to slap you with a cactus.