So, some coward creates a username, just to leave me a comment that went something like this:

"you sure can go on, shut the f@#$%# up, you sick, F%$#$@ up tart."

As clever as that was (really, it was f@%$ing Shakespearean), I couldn’t get angry about it.  It just made me sad.  Sad that some people are that sick, and twisted, that they’d feel the need to attack someone, just because they don’t like what that person wrote in their own journal.  A journal that individual chose to read, all on his own.  I didn’t send him an invitation.  It was cruel, uncalled for, and really, really sad.  I’m sorry that someone messed this person up so badly that they feel the need to lash out at a struggling, troubled young woman, over the internet.  Maybe, this person gets off on trying to kick someone when they’re down, but when I know someone’s TRYING to get to me, I try not to rise to the occasion.  (And, this guy clearly already knows he’s wrong, b/c he made up a username just to do it – the account had half an activity point, and disappeared as soon as I saw the comment, so, there’s no sense in trying to make that point.)  It’s about the most cowardly thing I can think of – picking on someone who’s having so much difficulty, doing so over the internet, and (as if that weren’t cowardly enough) hiding behind a fleeting username.  I’m going to try to put this out of my mind, because I’m sure that abusive screwball wants me to fixate (like his words are really important, or something).  I mostly write about it to make the following points:

1.  I know some people would judge me for the things I share here, but I always figured those people would just stay the hell away from my page.  We’re supposed to be here to help each other.  Not to judge, or to say abusive things.  If somone’s page doesn’t sit right with me, I click away, and do not return.  I don’t understand why anyone would do otherwise.  This guy just clearly wanted to hurt someone.

2.  I had resolved to be less critical of the things people say to me here, in response to my blogs, but right now, in this instance, I don’t feel like I’m being paranoid or reactionary.  I’ll continue to do my best to take all constructive comments as they are intended (and, I am sorry to anyone who only meant to be helpful, who I might have been harsh with – you know who you are), but this kind of thing does shake my faith in people’s intentions.  (Not all people, as I know some of you are fabulous cats, but there are times when I have felt I was being judged, and now, I’m not sure I was being altogether paranoid.)

3.  I know I write really long blogs, sometimes.  I write excessively.  It’s what I do to clear my head.  I’m a writer.  These are all thoughts that race through my head.  They vary day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes, they’re going to be more rational and concise than other times.  Because, feelings aren’t always rational, and when you’re trying to clear your head, sometimes you have to get a lot out.  Maybe, this guy doesn’t have a lot going on his head, but some of us do, and given that we think so much, we need some kind of purge valve.  Writing is mine, and even though I primarily write creatively, I feel I’ve gotten something out of using this blog as my personal wailing wall.  And, I plan to continue to do so, and to be there for any well meaning person who needs me.

– Kit