For years and years I haven’t wanted to live I’ve hated myself. I’ve hated my life but my whole family loved me except my dad of course. He never loved me. But I just wanted to be dead. Always. I felt dead well except when my family showed they really cared…. But usually even then I felt alone and dead and unwanted. But I was staying for them….. I cared about them and I thought they cared about me… I may not have been happy all the time but I was still alive. I would cut all the time and think about suicide. I was in a bad space in my mind. But they all acted like they cared. Then I got a boyfriend. He made me happy. I stopped cutting stopped wanting to kill myself 24/7 stopped almost all my bad habits and now my family hates me. Every single one of them. My mother. My father. My brothers. My great-aunt. My aunts. None of them want me around anymore and they all wish I was dead. Now that I started being happy again. When I start feeling better. It’s like they don’t want me to ever be happy… If I’m happy I’m dead to everyone…. So why am I here what’s the point. If I feel worthless they accept me…But if I’m happy I mine as well kill myself…. What’s wrong with me why was I the one put in this fucked up life? I obviously am not suppose to be here so why am I? It’s not my time to be on this earth obviously. I knew that for a while. Until I thought maybe it was over maybe I can be happy… But they decided it’s not what I’m here for. I’m not suppose to be happy…..

4 Comments
  1. roseee 4 years ago

    This is not true. Don’t let the opinions of others or their actions determine your happiness or your quality of life. I know that’s hard, and I go through something a bit similar sometimes, but you deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves it. Maybe there’s something else going on for the rest of your family to react in that way…? Regardless, do what makes you happy. Your happiness and your life are so very valuable.

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      destiny_smith 4 years ago

      My mom divorced my step-dad because she wanted to date her friend more. She let my aunt move in so my aunt would stop falling behind on bills. So both of them are happy. My older brother got a job and is always with his gf and is saving up for a house while still having money to buy whatever he wants. So he’s happy. The only one that’s not like that to me is my little brother and ironically his dad has cancer and is going to die soon. So the only one that doesn’t want to hurt me is the one hurting.

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  2. delane1 4 years ago

    ***Hugs***
    People….*sigh i wish there was some place SAFE you could go where your family could just stay away, except for when YOU decided it was OK for them to visit. YOU deserve better. You should not be made to feel as if you don’t belong in the land of the living. Your family should be the last ones to make you feel that way. What’s wrong with them? –And, yes, it’s them that have the problem, if they feel you should not exist. What have you done to them, in their minds? If you’ve not done anything to them, they should back the….heck off and let you have a chance at your own life. What’s so wrong with that???

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      destiny_smith 4 years ago

      I did nothing but listen to my mom every time she had a problem… No matter how bad it hurt when she was divorcing my old step-dad I just listened and helped her without telling her I thought it was a bad idea… Instead of letting her know it hurt I was in the counselors office at school every day for a year and a half until I couldn’t even handle going to school anymore because it got to the point I didn’t leave my bed… I got to my boyfriends house a lot. and stay for a week at a time. Everyone in my family blocked me on fb so I don’t have to deal with them there…. But every time I come back I’m blamed for shit. 50 dollars went missing from my moms purse (I was at my bf’s house when it did) I came back and she punished me for stealing it (even though I was not home NOT home) it was impossible for it to be me. This time my older brother said I took 20 dollars from him (I just got home I’ve been at my bf’s for around 10 days) the money went missing 3 days ago. it couldn’t have been me! But he’s convinced it was because my mom convinced him I know where he hides his money. I wanted to just grab my tv n xbox and go back to my bf’s house but my little brother practically begged me to stay here…… He shouldn’t even be here with my mom being irresponsible like this….

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