I am beat…wiped out. I met with my therapist yesterday.  She kind of pissed me off…I am a realist…I don't go for space cadet, everything is love and gumdrops bullsh&t.  She told me to ask the darkness inside of me what it wants from me.  uuggghhh…I don't know what to do with that.  maybe its me…I am looking for something more difficult than that.  so I am scheduled to see a therapist at a clinic here because I have to see the therapist, to get an appointment with the psychiatrist.  then I could see the therapist at one place and the psychiatrist at the clinic.  Well that is not the case that I have to see the therapist at the clinic to see the Dr at the clinic.  Eventhough I arranged this months ago and called the clinic twice to make sure it was ok to do that.  I have to give up my spot with my current therapist that I have only been seeing for like 2 months and start over again.  and I am making a comitment to stick with this clinic and I have not met the doctor.  What if I hate him.  I really hate that I have to give up the psychiatrist I have been seeing for three and a half years.  My health insurance ends on 9/30 and he does not accept my new insurance.  I am really struggling with this change.  I am very upset about it.  Now I have to break up with my therapist that pissed me off (maybe its a good thing).  and I have only 2 visits left with my psychiatrist.  I hate change.  its exhausting.