So, I think gray is appropriate, it suits my mood. It is hot and humid here in Upstate New York and its only going to be hotter tomorrow. I hate the super heat…not sure I could ever move down south too hot…I would miss the harsh bleakness of winter. Like I have said in previous blogs I have been feeling better. A lot better. Then the last few days come along…maybe like 5 or 6 days…I have been really low…and everyday is a little bit worse than the day before. I have definitely felt worse, but I feel pretty bad. I feel as though I am a zombie as I type this. In this fog…unable to think clearly…losing my thoughts as I try to talk to people. What is going on here. I was feeling better damn it. I am really like walking wounded…and the wounds just will not heal. They are always there…the darkness, the fear that I try so hard to control is always there…always has been, as far back as I can remember. How do I fix this? How do I stop this forever? I start to feel hopefull and then the deep sadness comes back. Lonliness just washed over me yesterday so today I tried to go out and spend some time with a friend and couldn't even follow the conversation. When am I going to get a handle on this…get a handle on myself? I guess I feel a little frustrated…but I am also very much feeling apathetic…like, whatever, here we go again. As I cancelled plans with some friends over the past weekend I am sure they were thinking the same thing…Here we go again. I trust nothing anymore…nothing. I feel no comfort anywhere…no solace.
-
Here I Go Again
Manderz, , Depression, Infidelity, Relationships, 0
This is wrong. This is stupid. Why am I doing this? I broke up with Chris. That was a...
-
List of fears
AloneForever, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Child, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Medication, Self Esteem, Sex Therapy, Sexual Abuse, 0
i literally just made this out of boredom and finding a website of fears i diddn't know existed. It's...
-
The Anger
sadjac, , Depression, Anger, 0
On christmas day, we had lunch at my grandparents place. We usually have a big family dinner, but this...
-
Battlefield
LonelyFemaleForever, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Relationships, Stress, 1
I dont know where i belong to, i dont know where my place is. I want to be better...
-
Scars – Literally
AlmostInFlight, , Depression, Child, Medication, Obesity, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Therapist, 0
There are some things in life I really need to just accept. One of them is my mental illness,...
-
My History of My Depression
Ariel09, , Depression, Anger, Child, Depression, Medication, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
I have been dealing with depression most of my life. As I was sucidal as a teenager then as...
-
Sunday’s diary entry – Not a good day
marina1, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
Stuck in my mind. Detached from my body. I think of my childhood, wondering how it passed by so...
-
Yet Another Important Person Gone
MForeverChained, , Depression, Questions, Relationships, Religion, 0
So it's a little known fact amongst the family that my grandfather and I have been getting close for...