I have to be to work in an hour…but i find myself wanting to do nothing of that sort on this morning. I guess it all started yesterday at work then piled on from there. Yesterday I got to work with the boys and it was nice for awhile just like old times. I've been working alone on a project for a few weeks and it was nice to have company for a change. Then they started talking about girls and every quality they mentioned was dead opposite to me except for having blue eyes. It hurt. I don't fancy any of these guys particularly but the fact that the typical wants I hear are so different from what I am that it triggers my biggest fear that I might never find someone. One of the guys asked to add me on facebook and I was so happy because maybe they were finally accepting me (as a friend I have so few) but it turned out he only wanted to add me so he could check out my "hott blond roomate". When he found out my roommate and I aren't friends on Facebook he said nevermind. I couldn't wait to get home and spend some time with my chihuahua Nimh but then my roomate had people over…again so Nimh and I had to stay cooped up my my room, not a lot of room for fetch there. Her friends don't like me and can be quite mean but oh how just once I would like to have someone over if only to be able show her that I can have friends too. I heard her friends and her talking about me they think it's pathetic I don't have anyone to invite over and she just feels sorry for me but makes no effort to try to be me friend when I try so hard to be hers. Then I checked my email and found more mortgage problems. After that things just went down hill from there and now it's morning and I want nothing more than to pass the day in bed staring at the ceiling. The saddest thing is soon I'll go in the bathroom wash my face put on my work cloths and go to work. I'll smile, say things are good if people ask and no one will even know how im really feeling. I will wave goodbye to the market trucks and cheerfully wish them luck and good sale but I really wish I was on one. Instead I will go plant in the field and look after the crops…the worst thing is I will do it all alone most everyone else will be at market. I have only got to go to market once but it was lovely. I cherished every minute of it because it gave me a chance to talk to so many people that valued the vegetables I helped produce and it made me feel good to see that end of things for once. It isn't even that I'm bad at market just far too good at weeding and planting to be spared but I would like to go sometimes to if only to not feel so alone for one day here and there. If you have made it this far thanks for listening to me vent and I hope you have a wonderful day surrounded by those you care about and blessed may you be.