I'm feeling considerably better than I did yesterday. Went to WW this morning and got 5 lb star. I feel…impressed I guess. I still listen to the message the member sent me. It really makes me feel loved, something I don't feel very often. Hugs, at least in my world, don't always mean much. They are just a greeting, at least that's how they feel to me. When I go over to a relative's house, a hello and a hug are automatically given. When my aunt, K, hugs me, I do feel the love. Not sure why…I guess maybe she hugs with purpose and not just routine.
It's hard to describe what the message from the DT member makes me feel…comfort, a sense of security I guess. Like an older sibling I don't have lol I laugh because…well I don't want to give away who this member is. And I feel if I describe the message, I'll do just that.
I'm so used to being the older sis but I don't recall my brother ever looking to me for strenth or anything. He's always been happy, strong and outgoing. Why would he look up to a sister who suffers from depression and anxiety? Why would he look up to a sister who is sad and down most of the time? I know I'm putting myself down but these are the thoughts that run through my head. Almost without…conprehension.
As I continue to blog, my feelings change…maybe they always do or maybe I'm just aware of it for the moment. I feel like I let my brother down…I feel like I am not a good role model for him. He deserves a better sister…one he can be proud of…nevermind….I lost the spark that had me starting this blog. Darn that was fast 🙁
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Growing up is hard but nessasary
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The hypocrisy of the people around me is overwhelming. yesterday, while trying to explain my feelings and thoughts to...
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Auditions today…!
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Today were the auditions for Anything Goes, a musical, and I had to sing and dance. I think I...
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New Years Resolutions – Will it Work???
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Well I had a conversation with my little sister, to tell you the truth it really wasnt much of...
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First of march..
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March has arrived, for me it feel likes the start of the year. I dunno why either, maybe the...
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Can't Sleep…
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2nd one in one day…Can't sleep and I know why, its cause I slept all day…why is it so...
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I really screwed up
Digital, , Depression, Grief, OCD, Relationships, 2
I really screwed up, this weekend I tried to kills myself. well with the intervention of my girlfriend, well...
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Simple decision made difficult by my head
hippychik87, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, 0
they say depression affects the decision making process. i was invited ages ago to a catch up night with...
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Home Alone… without the annoying child actor.
xillah, , Depression, Religion, 0
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be...