I do the same shit over and over, I don't want to, I promise god, my dad, my friends (like I have any), but I still do the bad stuff over again. I went for a run, trying to rehab my leg after my fucked up suicide try…can't even do that right. I went by the place where I tried and all the feelings came back. I tried hurting myself to stop the thoughts and memories, tried running the hill really hard. That usually gets all the bad out of me, but this time, just made it worser. So I did what I usually do to stop the noise, I find a guy. For those few moments, my brain stops hurting. And I think it is gods way of helping me cuz where I go, hardly anyone ever goes there, but today, a guy was there and he was willing to help. Like aren't all guys ready. Like it was a huge sacrifice for him. Never do they ask why, or what's going on, or lets talk. All they want is what they want. So, he left happy, I'm still crying, my blade always helps me feel better. My only true friend. I wonder if it would be ok if I showed a pic of my cuts? Hell, would anyone even care? Why does my dad have to suffer with a loser like me? He would be so much better off if I wasn't around. He would be free to live his life, smile and laff and get laid as often as he wants. Instead, he worries about me. That look on his face when I was in the hospital, I never ever want to see that look again. The hurt and pain and confusion. I never want to hurt him, but living or dying, all I bring is pain. Guess my mom was right. FML
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A Renewed Mind
mercifullyhealed, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Grief, Medication, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality, Stress, 0
Romans 12:2) "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is...
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Update on personal crisis day
Dyspyr, , Depression, Anxiety, Relationships, Therapy, 0
Thank you everyone, for your outpouring of responses from last week when I was having a bit (ha) of...
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The emocoaster
Spookloops, , Depression, Career, 0
This weekend was full of ups and downs. I hope the ups happen again sometime, though they were out...
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Nononono can't be happening! >:/
wintergirl818, , Depression, 0
i… think i may still… love him… or something… but NO! i can't do this, go through it… i...
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Can''t think of one
sadjac, , Depression, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Weight Loss, 0
So I’m here. Not unexpected really. I didn’t go to school again. I can’t bring myself to go to...
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My Mom is dying
blueyes36, , Depression, Addiction, Child, Chronic Pain, Depression, Dissociative Disorder, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Forgiveness, Grief, PTSD, Questions, Sex Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
My mother -in-law is dying of cancer that was discovered a little over 4 weeks ago in her gall...
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August 8, 2008
lilyrje, , Depression, Relationships, 0
I was home all day with Rosie. Today was just so peaceful. We slept almost all day. I felt...
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The Wolf Finally Showed up at my Door(Part 1)
gomizzou, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Questions, 0
Things were better than they had been in ages, even with currently being jobless… As much as I tend...
My blades help me too. I'm so sorry you are here, in the black, wandering the abyss.
Thanks Angrypoet – sometimes my demons in my head are too much. Other times, I'm able to quiet them down.