It's been an awfully long time since I've blogged here…well, since I've blogged anywhere. It's almost 4 a.m. and I can't get back to sleep (my husband accidentally woke me). So instead of moaning and complaining about it, I've decided to embrace it and use this time to have fresh coffee, have silence to myself, and…blog. No doubt I'll fall asleep around 6 a.m. or so though, lol.

It's flashing and booming and pouring outside. I went out onto the the porch for awhile and watched it. I'm always amazed and content when I watch them…they resonate with me for some reason. My husband is the same way though. We could both sit on the porch couch for hours watching the storms roll through. Huh. Never really gave that any thought before, how we both enjoy that. I guess we have more in common than I thought. 🙂

Right now things are much better for me emotionally than they've been in almost 18 months or so. I recently switched one of my medications to Latuda (thank god for insurance!), and it's doing me a world of good. I'm keeping positive thoughts and staying hopeful that it continues to be as useful and effective at managing the bipolar (especially the depression) as it has been so far. Only been almost 3 weeks since I started this and came off of Ritalin, but at least the roller coaster has smoothed out so much. I think the Ritalin has been feeding that aspect of my illness.

But I don't really want to talk about illness. I want to talk about being better. And while the illness is still a part of me, it is NOT who I am. I've been quite busy soul searching for the last 5 years or more, especially the last 2, and I've found that if I am content with where I am spiritually it greatly helps me emotionally. I may not have found a "specific" religion, but a coming to terms with my beliefs and what they mean and the freedom to realize that they can change when I find them to be scrutinized and left wanting. It's all part of the progress of me. And to paraphrase a friend recently; 'I'm not the center of the universe, but I am the center of my reality and universe'.

In essence what I'm trying to say is that I may not be able to change the world, but I can change and better myself. In time, that ripple that I have made across the waters will reach distant people and places hopefully, and give them some peace too.

Love to all.