i am so over my life right now. i feel physically unwell all the time as well as depressed and anxious etc.
it doesn't help that i am a bitch to my partner. he does not want to hear about it and besides i get angry when he doesn't respond the way i want him to. he says it is all psychosomatic and it probably is, but still. i feel like shit and it is real to me. he says i am neglecting my animals but i can barely get out of bed, let alone milk the goat or ride my horse.
when i feel this way i just want to be let alone not scolded. i know he is not a mind reader. if he was he would be long gone by now!!! as per my last blog the issue of seperation has been raised. if i could just stop feeling so sorry for myself and contribute in a positive way to the relationship i reckon he would drop it. but do i? not really. i don't have the energy. and i feel so sick. can't eat, sleeping very little, aching all over, running a low fever etc.
i live in an isolated rural area and my one friend in the village is struggling with her own problems at the moment. don't get me wrong i am willing to support her and do as best i can. i actually went over to her place and worked a couple of her horses for her the other day (this annoys my partner big time as does the fact that i sound happy when talking to my daughter on the phone). it just means i cannot vent to her about the way i am feeling. not until she is feeling better anyways. being there for her makes me realise that i live a charmed life in many ways. i just feel so low 🙁
so thank you depression tribe blogs for providing me with an outlet for my feelings. depression sucks. people telling me to just get over it sucks even more in my opinion.