Hello everybody.  My name is Kyle and I am new to this website.  I wanted to start a forum and see if anybody else could relate exactly to what I fight with on a daily basis.  I am a Pure O type of OCDer and basically I have these cursive thoughts directed towards god.  Now I have recently invited Christ to my lord and savior.  My problem is I will these thoughts trying to provoke God to kill me or wishing all these bad things to happen.  Now I am a fairly mild-mannered man I am single with no children and live alone.  Other thoughts that upset me and torment me just about daily is wishing my dad would have a heart attack.  Now I know he is my dad and I honor him, love him, and admire him but I keep having these thoughts that I want him to die or something horrible to happen and what I just can’t understand is why thoughts about my father?  Why arguments with God when I try to attend church regularly.  Basically its like I have this "it" inside me always talking back with the wrong answer that I want to think like if I were to say I love God I am here to serve you I would hear "yeah right" and it’s like I always have to fight to think what I truly believe in to drownd out the backwash negative trash.  Like when I go to pray I am interrupted with "no Kyle" or "you snooze you lose"  Often times I hear like just all this crap and it talks back to me referring to me as a M. Fer.  I will not fill in the blanks for the exact spelling of the last term but one can figure out what it is.  What are some of you other OCDers thoughts and what do you do to deal/stop/wrestle with this just onslaught of profane insane garbage.  I really am fascinated by storms and I love severe weather but yesterday we had this rentless series of thunderstorms and as I was standing at the edge of the door I found myself asking god to "ping me" or "just kill me you S.O.B."  My question is whyy and can anybody else relate to me.  I look forward to comments and leave the board upon now.