As some of you have read, or not, I've been struggling with being lonely. Most of the friends I have are either married or married with children. The ones who are single are either living their own lives or they are on an agenda to find a future spouse and of course friends are left when they either feel bad or they feel pretty lonely themselves.

I wish I could call them out on this. But sadly my married friends would get mad at me and of course lecture me on how the world doesn't revolve around me and that family is important to which I wholeheartedly agree. I'm not asking for the world but a simple facebook message can go a long way ya know? And then when they decide to pick up and dust off our friendship, they get mad at me because I didn't lean on them when I was struggling or lonely. I'm screwed over no matter what I do. The single ones sadly are oblivious plus they have better things to do with their time than to listen to someone like me anyway

And of course, sadly this trickles down into the dating world for me as well. I know I don't have much confidence but there is a reason why I don't. When I act confident, men decide they are intimidated by me and run in the opposite direction. When I downplay it and all they think I'm a boring pushover with nothing to offer and they walk away. I know I'm a beautiful, fun person to be around and I know I have something to offer but what good does that do if I'm all alone? I'm told how great I am but if that's true, why am I here blogging (aka whining) about how much it pains me that the world is going forward and I'm left standing still?

What's even sadder is I have thought that maybe life would be better for my loved ones without me. I know it isn't worth it and no measures will be taken but I don't know how to deal with this. I've been scared to share all this with people except a fair few and even they don't know how to help. The support and advice I get here has been awesome and I really would appreciate some insight on this or maybe a different perspective because I don't know how to wrap my head around this and let it go. I honestly don't know how.

I try to be as happy and uplifting as I possibly can be with others. I know life is hard. But this is the real me talking honestly and asking sincerely…please help me.