HA! There should be a lot more damn Moods to choose from Also I should be able to choose more than one! Because Im enraged, anxious, fearful, all of that shit, i just dont know anymore. I dont know if I can even believe that people have thoughts like i do at times, Im Plagued with violent thoughts and impulses that pop into my damn head, i mean seriously I feel like i need a brain transplant, I dont want to be a psychopath or a serial killer, but im so afraid that i am becoming one or I am one who just hasnt done anything yet. I dont know why It is so hard all of the sudden. Just a few weeks ago i was feeling good and happy, and i wasnt so tormented by these thoughts and now I am consistently tormented. I feel weak and alone…I want to talk to my family about it but i feel so embarrased and bad about sharing with them the thoughts I am currently suffering from. I just dont These violent thoughts started in the summer and i am also worried more because i know that at 18 the brain stops growing and all that crap so im worried i will be stuck in this purgatory forever, and If i am I dont know if i can do it. I know these thoughts are not normal and not right, and it hurts me to know that they have come to my own mind…. And i worry that over time what if i begin to accept the thoughts, Its strange how afraid of myself I am, when i know that everyone around is anything but afraid of me because I am known for how friendly, accepting and nice I am. The brain is a scary thing.
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🙁 I'm so sorry about that. I have had two incidents with those violent and TERRIFYING thoughts. I felt so alone and didn't want to tell anyone-I mean, anyone without ocd wouldn't understand! So, I finally told a therapist I trusted. She explained how common this is for people with ocd. She explained the underlying thoughts that led up to it. The only thing she couldn't do was prevent more from happening. When these thoughts plagued my mind, my ocd was really bad. I had been seeing a psychiatrist on and off for years and decided to give him a call. That switch in medications has made a huge difference. Please don't be insulted but have you tried medications? or therapy? they have done wonders for me. Hang in there. But, I really, highly recommend seeing some professionals.
Take care!
I have been going through the same thing as you are. It's quite literally hell, I think. I am just learning about this whole OCD thing. People write that the fact that these thoughts bother you proves that you won't act on them. You don't want to act on them – you don't agree with or believe in what those thoughts are saying. I have read that you have to learn to accept that those thoughts are there and don't give in to the fear. If you react with fear and anxiety, it will just get worse. One of the things I was fearful of was this: if I accept the thoughts, and desensitize myself to the fear of them, will I begin to think the thoughts are ok? I din't want to NOT CARE about what the thoughts meant because I was afraid that would be equal to agreeing with them. Sorry if that doesn't make sense. Anyway, I am learning that accepting the thoughts does NOT equal agreeing with them. You CANNNOT Control the thoughts in your head any more than you can control the wind. Just accept that those thoughts are NOT YOU. They are JUST Thoughts. And be ready to accept that this will be a long fight and you are young. You have a long way to go but you will be a very strong person because of this.
Thanks for the feedback, it does help to know im not alone, and yes im on medication Zoloft and I was in the psychiatric ward of a hospital for a two months, and seeing a psychiatrist and such