My main OCD is the fear of being murded, this one was my first it started when I was young about 10 when I started checking under my bed every night , my parents used to go out alot so I would be home alone at night and would always have a knife and phone ready to call the police thinking someone is out to get me. Around when I was 18 it got to the point I was checking everything I could in my room so my walk in wardrobe , bathroom, behind curtains anything that I thought someone could hide, it got to a point I checked under my bed 32 times a night but now have reduced myself to one time which I'm so happy about but have started checking even weirder places and now have new methods of doing that. I always have to check doors are locked more then 3 times when I leave the house and takes me so long to get in the car md drive off as I just have to keep checking it's lock. I have many aniexty attacks when im alone if i hear a noise or have to go outside in the dark. I also have to check no ones in my car before i go anywhere .My other OCD is checking everything that could start a fire it unplugged and has to be put far away from the plug encluding my hair straightener cooking appliances etc. I have allways been a germ freak but when I got to about 18 I started my OCD with washingMy hands and have struggled with dermatitis because of it . I have many phobias which exclude needles, spiders, the dark and more , I have good days sometimes but when I have bad days I get so depressed even on medication from frustration of OCD and just simply over it as it takes so much time a day to do things that arnt nessary And just stupid that's what bothers me bout OCD even though you know what your doing is stupid you just can't stop. I understand that after awhile your brain has told itself by doing the pxd nothing bad has happen to you so it's working and if you don't do it something bad will happen. I really don't want to rub this onto anyone especially my children if I have any in the future and feel no one is gonna put up with my ocds and leave me. Really trying to fix all of this in 2012 whatever it takes!! Really just want to be free again and not fear life . My therapist tells me I can't drink anymore as you become more anxious after drinking but I'm already struggling as im addicted to getting drunk as its the only time I'm free of my OCD and that makes me so happy and sometimes you just get so over it all , all u want to do is have a drink! If anyone has suggestions or has similar ocds would love to hear from you