Now that I know I have OCD, it's easier to deal with all of the terrible intrusive thoughts that I have been experiencing for the last month or so, and to a degree for my entire life. There is a comfort in just knowing that there is a reason I get terrible thoughts in my head and just can't get them out. In a way, I feel like the disorder goes hand in hand with my personality. I am a person who has always been extremely concerned with the difference between right and wrong, and the OCD just seems to be that concern in over-drive. But it's hard to know what things are due to my OCD and which things are completely unrelated. For instance, around the age of ten I began a very strange habit that involved me chewing on my knuckles. I know a lot of people bite their nails, but I have never met anybody else who chews on their knuckles. Once the habit started, I had no control over it. I would repeatedly try to stop, but time and time again I would suddenly find myself with a fold of knuckle flesh between my teeth. I don't know why I did it and now I wonder whether or not it had something to do with the OCD. I've always been a HUGE worrier, but this is the only bad habit that I think might be related to the OCD. The only reason the habit has stopped now is because I wear a retainer that makes it impossible. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't wear the retainer the habit would start all over again and I would still be unable to stop myself. Now I'm just wondering what other things in my life may have to do with OCD. The disorder is far from the only thing that makes me me, but now I'm finding it a bit difficult to adjust to the idea that it is a part of me at all.
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