It\’s been nearly a year at least since I last posted. But this used to help me even the slightest as i was able to open up to people and that\’s not something I can do in reality. People here are one not trustworthy with what I would say, and two I don\’t feel I could tell them even if I wanted to. Right now, I\’m unable to sleep due to constantly having things running through my head. I literally do not stop thinking and stressing. Worse more so now that I\’m in the middle of my degree and work is becoming worse for me. I\’ve had a few bad experiences which have knocked me down quite a bit making me feel only what I can describe as disgusted and sick with myself although none of it was really my fault. I also have worries and troubles at home with family. My unsupportive family. I just cannot shut off and go to sleep. I need to sleep! Feeling so down. Feeling few thoughts of suicidal but dont want to actually feel them. Someone make it all stop 🙁
I also been in and out of doctors and seeing my osychiatrist however thats only every 3 months and i feel i need this quite frequent now. The doctors say i need signing off but then im stressed that ill have no money and fall behind with work from uni. I just feel i live in a constant stress bubble where I cant get out. I call out for help and they turn me away. I want to be put on medication to calm my worries but then I’m stressed about being on medication as I dont agree with medication, Its not something I want to be on for life. I cant talk to anyone but even so noting it down on here or in a book seems a good idea.