I’m not allowed to date until next year. And yet I have a boy who is mine. He deserves better than me, I know that, because sometimes I can’t feel. Usually I can’t feel. Quite like a brainless organism, existing but nothing else. I am here but I’m not. And then, last Friday, I was, but it wasn’t how I remembered. I was cuddling with A and it felt… it felt real. I don’t know how else to explain it. And then I had to go and screw it all up. I started laughing at something small and inconsequential, but I couldn’t stop. I choked on air and cried until I sobbed in my friend’s basement in front of my boyfriend. It was embarrassing and I wanted to die. But then he was hugging me and he wasn’t letting go and, for a fleeting second, I let myself feel. I don’t know how he could love me even though I feel nothing and am nothing and had a literal mental breakdown right in front of him. But he is perfect. He doesn’t deserve a brainless organism. But I can’t leave him, and he will never leave me.
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Scared
Tigerlass, , Depression, Anger, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
Long time since I've posted a blog, today is as good as any….Woke up this morning….Feeling like shit, Feel...
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Blog #6 – Stress & Relief
XLunaX, , Depression, Anger, Questions, Stress, 1
I went back to school on Monday and a lot of events came onto my plate. I realized that...
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Driftvalley
sab, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Grief, 0
Its been a long time , many ups and downs. My immediate problem stems from the fact that i...
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Is the new drug working?????
virus, , Depression, Child, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 1
If you buy drugs on the street corner from the friendly neighborhood ‘pusher’, you are breaking the law....
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Cathartic Discovery
thebadkitty, , Depression, 0
Found something while I was cleaning under my bed. Something I would’ve been happy to find four months ago....
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A Little Bit Stronger
shutdown, , Depression, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression, Therapy, 0
www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk Just caught the images and words of this video, and thought…if I were to insert every person...
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Recent blog on myspace
arianrhodschild86, , Depression, Child, Grief, Relationships, Religion, 0
Tuesday, April 10, 2007 beating MY doc appt went well. to those who want to know about that, message...
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Aggrivation/Irritation/Job
Starpixie831, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, 0
I just need to blow off some steam. It really irritates me and sometimes even aggrivates me when my...
Feeling…no feelings is normal, I actually went through this myself. You close off all of your feelings because that seems the right thing to do and also the safest. What I did to ‘feel’ again was practice being open and speaking my mind everyday, alongside meditation. The more I was able to speak about how I truly felt and express my thoughts and emotions, the more in tune I became with them, and in turn the more comfortable I felt with them. Don’t worry! You don’t look as bad or as mental as you think!
Please try. Try ur best to keep it together especially for people who love u. And also because inside us all is this super strong person who can pick us from the worst days and take us to some of our best. We r WAY stronger than we believe. Take a day iff and start fresh. One day at a time..one step at a time
Your not unusual. I can’t feel after 35 years. The only thing I seem to feel is the negative feelings-fear, anxiety, and depression. I wish I could feel more and connect with others. Combine this with being highly sensitive(can’t stand being touched, odors, loud sounds, or bright libhts) and I have a really tough time.