Sometimes I don’t feel like I should be here in my head…
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I sometimes wish so hard that I could just unscrew my head and leave it on a shelf.  So I can get an update, you know, ameliorate my brain.  Why, yes I am using a word I think you might need to look up… I know I did.   🙂
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Many days I do not feel like I belong here, or fit in.  I start to breath faster and my heart rate goes up, my shoulders get tense and I start to hunch in on myself.  When I finally do realize that I am getting tense – I want to literally take a step back and get a broader perspective.
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Instead I close my eyes and try to relax, directing my focus inside and concentrate on breathing.  This is where all  my focus goes, letting everything else fade away.  Slow breath in through my mouth…. hold it a bit…. and exhale out my nose…. breath in ….hold ….exhale.  Often it takes me a full minute to calm down, other times it just takes two slow deep breaths with deliberate intent.
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I do not know how to “fit in” either, and when I pause to think more deeply about this I realize that I do not really want to just  “fit in”.  I want to exist here as me.  … As Iris.  I am standing out, distinct in a crowd but still feeling like I deserve and want to belong here.  I also want to leave the anxiety and depression behind.  Sometimes my head is a very lonely place to be, but it is familiar and comfortable for me.  So instead of sitting outside and wishing I was inside with everyone else, I will pull up my own chair… settle in and get ready to join the conversation. 🙂
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I know that I spend most of my waking time in a world separate from everyone else.  I am always hoping for a “How To” guide, a little pixie on my shoulder whispering in my ear to help me out.  So I can find where I fit.
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The farm is my escape, my little slice of heaven where I know what to expect. ( I love my animals, Bob, Tony & Cleo are my closest family).  Things are moving too fast, but for those glued to their screen – time seems to not exist at all.  On YouTube there is  video by Dr. Kaveh, “Gen Z is Lonely….”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA_m4JVxX1Q&t=4s  I can’t seem to insert a link to it?  I watched it all the way to the end, astounded by his unabashed empathy and concern.  I wish I could be more empathetic. I highly, highly recommend you watch it.
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I know I distance myself, it is a defense mechanism, a habit I am struggling to overcome. Just like alcohol and mj….!
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About gender and sexuality…There are a few groups / web sites that immediately come to mind.  I like the Trans life line, https://translifeline.org/ & The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/.  Both will be a good place to start.  Keep in mind that although you desperately want to help, they need to want it.  Try to be patient and wait, let them know you are open to the conversation, that you will not judge them.  And have more patience.

I would suggest not having this conversation at home, try to find some neutral ground.  A place where you feel more like equals where there are fewer distractions, and access to information.  The Library would be a great place for this!  Ask them to join you to pick up a movie, or a book… Remember, you both need to be calm and not overly emo.  Sitting down before y0u start might help keep things less confrontational.  You could do this over a meal or outside on a walk… But I prefer the library.
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Remember that they may not know where they will feel like they “Fit in”.  Maybe do some exploring together.  A book that I really like is non fiction, “Becoming Nicole” by Amy Ellis Nutt.  This is written from the parents perspective, has some science in it, and a good list of resources. Author Alex Gino wrote a number of books that explain the “IAP+” part of the LGBTQIAP+ acronym.  Melissa, Rick, You don’t know Everything Jilly P, & Alice Austin lived Here.  They are all written for a younger audience, good, and simple stories. I have not read “Green” by Alex so I will not recommend it (yet) it is bound to be really good too.
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Here is one written from the perspective of a LGBTQIAP+ person, Riley. who is the main character in “The Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin.  Riley is transgender and gender fluid.  All of the books I have mentioned are available in our local libraries and are also available in audio book and Ebook formats. I listened to them first, and then actually read them. So I could remember and learn the specifics.  Many include a list of resources.
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Another favorite book that helped me find the words to explain how I am feeling is, “If I Was Your Girl” by Meredith Russo who is also a transgender woman.
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Gen Z has been hoodwinked by technology, it has become an addictive compulsion that most do not recognize as an addiction.
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So many of teens today (including me) and some adults are wrestling with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, feeling isolated and frightened.  Everyone suffered through Covid, but these young people survived it by relying on Social Media.  Their phones and imagined connections feel real for them!  It will take a lot of time, some help from a professional, a lot of love and then even more patience to help them… And, don’t forget that some medications can be an effective tool.   Almost essential for me.  I take at least three everyday.
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Will you do a favor for me?  Go to each of  your sons today, give them a great BIG hug and remind them that you love them. After they have put down their phones, so you can really connect face to face.
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This message is getting too long, so I will end it here.   Sending you a Hug, a Smile, Peace Hope and Prayers – Iris