Hey, it’s Solar speaking.  We haven’t done the DID introduction post yet, but we wanted to come on here and talk about something we’ve been thinking about.

We have DID (obviously) and we were diagnosed officially only a few days ago.  We were in distress yesterday, and our dad had us take Abilify, a medication we used to take but stopped taking to take Rexulti.  It was a decently large dose, and it helped in the moment, but now we’re seriously stressed because we can’t hear each other anymore.  For me, it’s like I’m trapped in Nee-doh with everyone else on the outside trying to get in to help me.  I can hear them screaming for me.  Occasionally a voice makes it through.  I can barely see them.  I can barely see headspace.

It’s really scary, because I’ve gotten used to relying on others and laughing at the little antics they cause.  I’m used to having them as my friends.  I don’t care about the distress that can happen, I want them back.  I don’t want to fuse.  Doctors say that fusion into one personality is the ultimate goal for DID, but we don’t want to do that.  We want to be separate and just co-exist.

Is it bad for me to want to keep all the alters around?  I’m not going to take the Abilify anymore, and I’m hoping that they’ll come back in due time.