Hey, it’s Solar speaking. We haven’t done the DID introduction post yet, but we wanted to come on here and talk about something we’ve been thinking about.
We have DID (obviously) and we were diagnosed officially only a few days ago. We were in distress yesterday, and our dad had us take Abilify, a medication we used to take but stopped taking to take Rexulti. It was a decently large dose, and it helped in the moment, but now we’re seriously stressed because we can’t hear each other anymore. For me, it’s like I’m trapped in Nee-doh with everyone else on the outside trying to get in to help me. I can hear them screaming for me. Occasionally a voice makes it through. I can barely see them. I can barely see headspace.
It’s really scary, because I’ve gotten used to relying on others and laughing at the little antics they cause. I’m used to having them as my friends. I don’t care about the distress that can happen, I want them back. I don’t want to fuse. Doctors say that fusion into one personality is the ultimate goal for DID, but we don’t want to do that. We want to be separate and just co-exist.
Is it bad for me to want to keep all the alters around? I’m not going to take the Abilify anymore, and I’m hoping that they’ll come back in due time.
Tho I do not understand DID, it seems like to you they were a solution to loneliness? Correct me if I’m wrong. There’s nothing wrong with liking what you consider to be friends, no matter what others might think of that. It’s normal to grow attached to things you connect with if you don’t have other ways to get that feeling. I don’t think it’s wrong at all. I’m speculating tho, haha
Thank you. We talked to some professionals about it and they agreed. It’s definitely a way to combat loneliness. They feel like friends, and it feels like losing friends when they disappear.
Also, DID is a trauma response disorder, so alters are made to house different parts of the trauma. It’s childhood trauma, when the brain is still developing a personality in pieces. Most people integrate those pieces. We did not. They stayed separate and became us.
If you genuinely enjoy them then do you have to get rid of them? Was the medication for that? Or something else? If you don’t mind me asking.
The med was a general mood stabilizer. We don’t want to go. Other people are just saying we have to go.
That’s kinda messed up. I mean if you connect with them and you knowingly take medication to “get rid of them” then I can’t imagine that would be good mentally for you. I’d assume you would feel guilt and sadness in that case.
Yes, absolutely. We’re not taking that med again.