Its tough to sit and just do nothing at times…mind my own business..remember that what others do is NONE of my Business…and WHat others think of me is none of my Business…well guess what…Fuckit…yup thats how I feel…I was talking to a nice women yesterday and everything was fine..until she realized that I have 1 3/4 ear rings…then you would have thought the world was coming to an end….she stated she doesnt talk to ppl "like that" "with those"… WOW…I knew I was an alcoholic…but now I am a "LIKE THAT" "with those" damn…I didnt realize the depth of shallowness…yup
SO here I am listening, to the drama…and then it will finish, everyone will leave and "I" though not involved will be left here ALL ALONE…to process problems that are not MINE…How sad…and I was just trying to be a good person…trying to have a nice evening…and again…I sit in this position listening to the fighting and wondering HOW long I will continue to put up with this and why I feel the need to even subject myself to it. Is it part of my recovery? I think NOT…LOL
It hurts me, sort of…I dont want to see only the bad in people, I look for the good and often will turn a cheek to the bad…Tolerance..seems to be a nice way of me saying…come walk on me…its ok…just dont leave any marks hide them with all the old ones…
Insanity…maybe…
why not…I mean what is the point some times? Again another day of trying for perfection and realizing that progress is OK….which I do know…I have set my sights high…I work my program hard…To Hard somedays….I push myself and then PUT myself in some awkward positions and wonder why I am all FUCKED UP…..
Simple is all I want…No I want hapieness too or maybe just to be content…
I want my mind quiet…
to hear…Its going to be ok…
I miss my angel..she has been quiet, maybe doing some work in mysterious ways….I can hope that is what she is up too….
Good night my tribe…Tomorrow is a BUSY DAY…A day of love and a day Of sacrifice for me…its ok I am strong and I will be fine…I always am…
Its nice to know when someone has your back…
TY my Friends…I cant do this with out you…I love ya all …..Mike
