I have been very tired, but I also feel like I’m waking – like something inside me has begun to stir. Something strong, and willful – something willful, creative, that doesn’t concern itself with much beyond expression. It’s not an across the board problem solver, but it is definitely a leg to stand on. It makes me feel more complete. More myself… being off smack and on mood stabilizers has brought me a long way. I know there is still a lot to sort out. A lot… but I know that things are possible. I am starting to believe that I can make my life beautiful, day by day, if I fight for that. I know a lot of people on this site think that anything positive and good is also silly and trite, but that’s not true, and that kind of thinking gets in the way of happiness like a concrete wall.
It’s just a start. A kind of start… I still have to get the discipline, and organizing bit down, but I feel like I am making progress. I feel good about that today.
I am working on some art projects I feel good about. I really want to get back to my writing. Maybe, today…
I am worried about Ace. Ace, if you are reading this, I am sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I wish you had called, but I understand why you thought you could not. Just, know that I wish I could have been there, and I am here now. Just hit me up when you can.