Of course.. Of fucking course..
He's back. Three hours early!
What have I accomplished? Not a damn thing..
I got some good ass advice from someof you, and I planned on taking it too. I was going to wait for my sister to wake up so we could go to the front office and tell them our situation.
But instead of waking my sister up so we could do this, like a normal human being would of done, I felt guilty because I wanted her to sleep..
I needed her to come with me so I could make sure she was on board with this, and wouldn't go back on her word.
But instead of keeping our safety in mind, I let my stupid emotions get the bestof me.. OF COURSE.
I wanted to get some security before tomorrow because I have class in the morning and an exam in the afternoon and I don't feel safe knowing my sister would be here alone.
Dammit! Whenever I need to gut up and do something, I NEVER FUCKING DO IT.
I have got to be the biggest fuckup in the world.
I hateall of this! I'm sick of being worried, or scared, or nervous about stupid shit.
I'm so sorry for all my cursing, but I really just need to let it all out right now..
I'm also sorry to those of you who told me great advice. I should have just done it. Obviously my sister shouldn't be a factor in this right now. She's too emotional and "in love" to make any good decision.
If she was capable of making a good decision, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THE DAMN MESS.
But hey, who am I kidding. I'm responsible for this too. I never had the guts to leave, or tell my parents anything. I don't even have the fucking guts to call the cops.
Leave it to me to just completely ruin things.
If I would have just left my sister alone with all of this, there wouldn't be a problem.
Why the hell was I even born??
I'm a burden to my parents, my sister, my friends, and now all of you.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I. Hate. Being. Alive.
I hate it and I don't want to deal with any of this anymore.
All I wanted to do was try to do good in college! I don't want all of this! I don't care for any of it!
But God knows I'd never have the fucking guts to do a damn thing about it.
I cut myself with sharp edges. Only enough to look like a cat scratched me.
I don't overdose with life threatening medicine. It's fucking motrin.
I don't even have the fucking guts to try to actally kill myself.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm done with all this.
I'm just done.