In a few hours I have school. Art Class to be more exact. I have suddenly run into a bout of depression and can't get to sleep. I really don't feel like going to school, but I can't stay home. If I do, all I hear all day from my family is taunts about quitting school, or being depressed and so on. I'm really sick of it. My family always thinks anything going on with me is a complete joke. I really wish I had the money to move out and be on my own because a lot of times, I think my family is a reason I stay depressed so much. Being made fun of and talked about in front of your face when you're already down doesn't help very much and just makes you feel worse. My family doesn't get that, obviously, and it just makes me so angry. I've tried to express it to them, but it really doesn't help. They don't listen to a word I say, really. They just think I'm in a 'mood' all the time. Even when I try to be serious, it must just be a mood I'm in. I'm 20 and sick of living at home, but school doesn't pay and the little money I do have goes to that or other things I need. Art supplies, clothing, the few sparse things I can afford to give me momentary happiness.

Also, I don't want to miss school because the professor takes off half a grade and I've already missed two classes this semester and I am somewhat bad at turning in work because if I don't feel up to doing the homework or school work, I don't. I haven't even finished the portfolio that is due today. I worked on it for a while the past week or more and I get to the point I just don't want to do it. I know I'm in a state of depression now and have been sleeping almost all day the past few days. The other day I was in the hallway talking and all of a sudden I just felt so sad and started crying for nothing. Of course, my family was all, "Oh, here it goes. You're just too crazy for me to deal with." Do they have any idea how angry and sad that makes me feel? Like I am to be avoided because at any moment I'll start getting strange or whatever. I hang out in my room a lot, still don't really have any friends, so I've been talking on the internet, careful to avoid those guys who just want to cyber and whatever. I tell them I don't do it and so far, no one has started stalking me on the internet again. This one guy and I were having a nice talk last night, but he had to get up to go to school, so yeah and we forgot to add each other, so he's out there in cyber space and hasn't looked for me and I haven't looked for him.

I've been talking to this other guy who wants me to be his online girlfriend, but I'm not so sure about that. I mean, what's the point, really? Can't we just stay friends? I like it that way, but if he keeps asking the friendship might have to end. Oh, well. So is life for me.


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