I read a quote the other day, it was posted on someone’s Grinder profile. It said, ” you can’t be anything to anyone if your Nothing to yourself.” That just stuck with me. I’ve since then deleted my grinder account as it just reinforces bad behavior and puts my recovery at risk. But that quote stuck. I always question why I don’t have many friends like other people do, why I don’t have meaningful relationships romantic or not. I isolate and just cant seem to break out from my own shadow. When I read that quote my first thought was wow, I’m not anything to anyone: rather than , how do I become something to myself? Today I’m asking that question, How do I become something to myself? How do I find worth in myself? I’m using my eyes now and I see that its a personal evaluation issue that I face, but when I’ve spent so many years setting my worth on what you’ve told me I am worth, how do I go about setting my worth to myself? I want to be something to myself, I want to not care if I mean something or not to anyone. I want to be able to go for a walk without any other purpose than taking a walk and not care how I look to the outside world. Get Ice cream alone, go to the movies because I wanted to without talking myself out of it because of what other people will think or that I think I not worth spending my own money on. I now know what I want but have no idea on how to accomplish it, I want to be someone to myself. I’m tired of being nothing to myself.

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