You know I find that I have little or no patience for other people's problems now. I know this sounds cold and part of me feels bad about that. The other part looks at their problems and says "you have no idea what a real problem is and I hope you never do." I understand that people's problems are important to them and in that respect should be important to the people around you. But I find it hard to say "I bought razor blades and had a plan," and you continue to talk about how horrible your job is and how you are misstreated and how you should quit. I aslo find it hard to sit there and watch everyone hug you and fawn over your pain as I sit there on the edge of pain and panic.

My greatest problem here is that I try to figure people out and why they can be the way they are. Then I realize the real answer to this qeustion is people are self involved little idiots and the ones that genuinly care are few and far between. I have a few of them in my life. Well I have three of them in my life. One is my mother, a girl from Detroit whom I met on this website, and a girl from the hospital I was at. Two people who have known me a shorter amount of time then my friends and still find the time to ask how I'm doing. I don't ask they understand or even listen to me but just asking that question means more to me then anyone will ever know.

Please understand I am not suicidal and I don't want to end it but there are moments all be them brief when the world seems as if I could just dissapear without anyone knowing. I have less of those moments as the days go on but still have them when my friends whom say they love me talk at me about how their world is falling apart and they are so stressed. When you talk at me I have to wonder if you even see the pain and if you do see it why you don't ask a simple question "are you ok?"