Lately, i have been buying vodka and mixing it with diet dr pepper and getting insanely wasted every night for the past 5 nights. I don't know why, but i do know why, i just don't want to face it. It feels like everyday i don't know what to do with myself, I get by with my addictions. I used to smoke pot every night for the past two years and i just recently stopped and not on purpose, but now i have just substituted it for alcohol. I'm also addicted to love, i have just recently put that together. I am addicted to feeling loved, and knowing someone is there for me, maybe because i am craving affection and bonding so much that i am resorting to anything to fill these voids. Not to mention for the past two years a guy has been mentally manipulating me and mind fucking me to death. I fell in love with him and he just toys with my emotions. I feel like i am trapped with him, I am trying to get passed him and thoughts of him but I can't seem to get away. It's like i can't leave him, if he doesn't leave me first. …We are not even in a relationship, I feel like it's too late for me, i have made him such a part of me that I want to die thinking about not having him in my mind anymore. I have never in my life experienced such intense emotions of love that fill up my body. I know he's bad for me, he holds me back and I need to fight him, unfortunately i don't want to hurt him, but i can't keep hurting myself either. it will be the hardest battle i have ever had to endure.