Lately, i have been buying vodka and mixing it with diet dr pepper and getting insanely wasted every night for the past 5 nights. I don't know why, but i do know why, i just don't want to face it. It feels like everyday i don't know what to do with myself, I get by with my addictions. I used to smoke pot every night for the past two years and i just recently stopped and not on purpose, but now i have just substituted it for alcohol. I'm also addicted to love, i have just recently put that together. I am addicted to feeling loved, and knowing someone is there for me, maybe because i am craving affection and bonding so much that i am resorting to anything to fill these voids. Not to mention for the past two years a guy has been mentally manipulating me and mind fucking me to death. I fell in love with him and he just toys with my emotions. I feel like i am trapped with him, I am trying to get passed him and thoughts of him but I can't seem to get away. It's like i can't leave him, if he doesn't leave me first. …We are not even in a relationship, I feel like it's too late for me, i have made him such a part of me that I want to die thinking about not having him in my mind anymore. I have never in my life experienced such intense emotions of love that fill up my body. I know he's bad for me, he holds me back and I need to fight him, unfortunately i don't want to hurt him, but i can't keep hurting myself either. it will be the hardest battle i have ever had to endure.

2 Comments
  1. Tesla 8 years ago

     Sweetie, that's not love… To effectively get away, you'll need to put into place other support systems while you're with him.  Then when you are ready, you can break away because you have MANY other things to go to.  To know what you need to put in place, ask yourself what things is he filling for you and helping you with?  Then find MANY other people or sources to fill those gaps.  Part of neediness is lack of options.  If you have options, many people and things start to loose their control over you.

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  2. Ecstasyxrose 8 years ago

     I didn't think i would get replies back to this, wow thank you for your advice!

    Tesla- you're advice is gold! I know i need other support systems, i guess that's where my depression comes in, it's hard to do something about it, when you lack the drive! But i'm going to try and do it slowly but surely

    Forty Four- thank you for your input as well, summer is approaching, so maybe the change in season will help me prioritize better. And i am just starting to see clearly about the love vs attachment thing, it hurts… 

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