How much is too much?

My fiancee left me a few weeks ago, just walked out of my life like nothing happened. We'd been together for five years, more or less, and the way he left me made me feel like he'd been using me like a rest stop for all this time. Half of his things are still in my house and while I want to get rid of them, I just feel too tired and too defeated to do it. Hell, I haven't even changed the sheets on the bed since he left, that's how bad I'm getting.

I hate that. I hate that I get so down that I can't even do simple things like clean up the house, run a vacuum, do more than tie my hair back in a ponytail. I've stopped cooking, stopped eating, stopped doing anything, really.

The thing that kills me the most is I never wanted to end up in this place at all. I came back to my hometown two years ago to care for a terminally ill parent. My fiancee, J, came several months after I did to stay, for good I thought. All of my friends and everything that I really love, except for the cats, are back in Seattle and I'm stuck here.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel the same way that I did near the end of my first marriage, when I did have a nervous breakdown and had to take a leave of absence from work and have daily therapy sessions and be heavily medicated just to keep from crying all day every day. I'm trying to find a good shrink here but it's harder than I thought. At least with a diagnosis of severe depression the HR department at my job will work with me to schedule my weeks so I don't get so overwhelmed that I crack up completely. And I am barely holding on as it is.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Give it time, mourn, don't worry about the big picture. Break it up into manageable pieces, so you can go forward, slowly and painfully( I imagine) at this point. I am sure, it will all work out, if you allow it.

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