hello um i have not typed like this for a while so forgive me and my minds twisted lines .

i am unable to recall much of my past when i was a child . a lot of it is just blank with images here and there . When someone asks me what my childhood was like . i always make it to be a nice little picture of what i think of as a normal family . though the images of my past is far from that . the first memory i have goes like so .

i do not know how old i was at the time so i am sorry about that . i walked outside in a summer day playing with my older brothers friends . one of my brothers friends pulls me down shorty after we hear popping sounds . red liquid flows from my brothers friend splattering over my body. he asks if i was alright i say ya lets play some more he smiles as he says sure then his eyes gloss over . i start crying and adults rush over trying to pull me away from him . i cling onto him as if i did he would get up saying he was joking . one of the adults calls 911 and the image ends there .

the next memory is on a bus . i was sitting far in the back seeing a girl in front of me . she had purest of long blonde hair . i knew i liked her then and there . she was cute and nice to those around her . i was young still and did not know what was what . the memory ends there .

this memory is of that i think a year later . i was in an attic of the home i was living in . me and this man were talking in an attic . he pulls out his male part and pulls down my pants . you can figure out the rest with out me going into detail from there .

this memory was after all that happened . i was with my mother and older bother walking away from my moms car . my moms car broke down in the middle of the road .” or was it that we got out because my mom heard something . i don’t remember clearly .”  we left everything we owned in the car as we were leaving it . i was crying saying something about a toy i left . while looking over my moms shoulder as i was in her arms looking at the car . the car caught fire then exploded . that is the end of that memory .

this memory is a happy one i think . my mother , older bother , and me were walking down a train track . we stopped for the day next to a storage place i think . my brother and me found the back of a monopoly board game that had some pieces to the game laying around it . me and him played together the best we could . we laughed and my mom never noticed .

this memory is much more vivid in my mind . i remember it clearly even though i wish i didn’t . a close friend of mind wanted me to come over after school . he sounded troubled beyond what he normally was like something heavy wade on his mind . he was picked on in school and abused at home like i was . when i got home my mother began her usual beatings . saying i was the spawn of Satan . i was the reason my eldest sister was taken away .  as she usually did . after she vented out on me . i snuck out the house to see my friend and help him if i could . when i got over to his house and knocked on his back window he opened it up and let me inside . after i climbed in i noticed he had a shotgun next to him as he sat down . he then called out to his parents in the other room . they came in looked at me saying you here again i simply nodded . i asked my friend what he doing with that shotgun . he responded like so . i am tired of this life wanted to show my parents what i am going to do . as he grabbed the shotgun next to him . he said i do love you but i can’t take this anymore moving the barrel of the gun to his mouth . i responded hay now don’t do that come on love . just put the gun down lets talk about this . his parents start laughing taunting him saying do it go on you were nothing more then a burden to us anyways . in that moment the gun goes of and his brains splatter on the wall behind him . his parents laugh at the body of their son . i am filled with rage at them . i walk over to my friend taking the shotgun from his body tossing it to the floor . i hear sirens in the distance and say with out turning to his mom and dad . i wish this was you two and not him . he deserved better . may this haunt you till the end of time . while tears rolled down my right cheek that they could see . the police come in talk to his parents . they put on a show for the cops . the cops then talk to me i tell them what happened though left out some of it at the time . they let me go home . that is the end of this memory .

this memory is when i was in high school . i had this crush on a teacher . though not really going into details . i will say it ended badly .

the rest of my child hood is a blank . aside from the beatings and verbal abuse my mother did . she also was pumping me full of prescription drugs that made if very hard to know what was going on around me. when i hit 18 and i was able to think clearly . my mother tried to get me to sign away all the money i would get to her . i refused to sign them and she threw me out of the house then and there . i quit the prescribed medications cold turkey i had some withdrawal problems the shakes chills and over all things sorted to it.