Being in traffic makes me feel like Iike I'm a part of a human f`ucking centipede. I get up every morning and I swallow sh*t. I drive to a place I don't want to be and get stuck on the way there behind a line of cars that are probably headed to places they don't want to be either. I mean, how many people actually like their jobs? How many people spend the majority of their time doing what they want to do and not what they have to do? What is the reward in living like a slave to some system you don't want to be a part of?
Am I weak for feeling this way? The way I'm talking, I don't think anyone wants to hear it. Most days, most good days, I don't want to hear it myself. But I don't think I'm wrong, either. I don't think people whoaren'tdepressed experience the world any differently than I do. We're all still eating sh*t at the same table. Except, I'm that person who points it out and makes it awkward. And they're saying, "just shut up and eat." This is how it is, how it's always been, and how it always will be. We live for what?
I work at a grocery store and before that, I worked at a dry-cleaners. I have become so talented at eating people's sh*t. I have consumed so much f`ucking sh*t in my life, already. I am a toilet. My one coworker said to me, a few months after I started working there, that I was good with customers. And I knew that already. I'm shy, but I'm good with customers. Because I know precisely how they like their ass'holes to be licked. I smile, I thank them for doing absolutely nothing. I act like I really sympathize when their favorite candy-bar is out of stock, as if it mattered in any way. I am one of the nicest people these f'ucks ever met, and I hate every one of them.
I also recently did an entire group project by myself at school. We got a 94. Not one person thanked me or acknowledged the fact that they did nothing. And I didn't say anything, either. Because I'm a doormat.
I'm so tired of it. I don't want it anymore.