My first week back at school was rough as hell. I lost my two bestfriends (Sarah and Bryce). Sarah I've known my whole life and Bryce for a year and a bit. They chose to each other over their friendship with me. I couldn't believe Sarah would do that too me, considering she's known me her whole life and knew Bryce for a week. I asked Bryce not to get with her because i didn't want my two bestfriends together and they both ignored me and went ahead and done it. I've already told them i want nothing more to do with them and that i can't be bothered with them anymore if thats the level of respect they had for me. Goes to show they didnt really care about the friendship either.
Yesterday, i lost a woman who was like my nan away from home (as i go to boarding school) she was one of the sisters/nuns here and she had a lot to do with us boarders especially us in year 12. She was on the Malaysian airline that got shot down going over Ukraine. It's been a huge shock to us all and i still can't get my head around it. She was like my nan, i used to call her Nana Phil. It hurts so much to think she's not coming back. Their holding a service for her and the other members that were on board at St Mary's Cathedral tomorrow but i said no. I feel like im letting her down but i can't go. I don't want to say goodbye :'(
My boyfriend hasn't spoke to me in a week and i really don't know what is going on anymore. I've lost so many people over the week and he's all i really have and he's not there to talk too. We weren't in a good situation and the last thing he told me was that he's going to try 100% harder for me, but not hearing from him in a week because he's too selfish to charge his phone really has me thinking he just doesn't care anymore. I don't know what i will do if i lose him as well because i let him into my life trusting that it'll last. I love him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life because he genuinely makes me happy.
I don't know what to do anymore because i'm so alone i have no one to go too, my psychologist didn't even really help when she usually does. She was defending my parents which made things worse because they emailed her there side of the story about what happend in the holidays which was mentioned on my last blog, but thats not important. It's just i dont know what to do!!! I can't sort things with Elijah because he wont turn on his effing phone and talk to me. I have no bestfriends that i trusted like i did mainly Bryce. And losing Sr Phil, has topped it all off. I miss her and can't stand the picture in my head of her on the plane as it went to flames. She was a wonderful person, it's not fair! She inspired and impacted on so many peoples lives. I'm so numb and i just don't wanna be at school. I hate it. I hate people. I just want to go away for a long time where i know no body and just have time to myself to think and clear my head. I wanna start new and have a new beginning but it's so hard, i have no car, no money and still at school and still have to live with my effing parents. I'm such a mess.