I have been feeling disappointed, bored, down, tired and blue for the past 5 to 6 months. I cant seem to do anything! I cant study properly, I cant work properly, I cant have fun with my boyfriend, friends or family. I am always sad, always upset, always nervous and stressed. Im also always on edge, as soon as someone does something minor that upsets me, I break down and cry like its the end of the world. I cry every single day before I sleep, and by cry I dont mean just a few tears, no, I cry a lot, I sob like a baby.. and I dont know why. Everything I've accomplished so far in my life seems pointless… me getting out of bed in the morning seems pointless. Sometimes I wish I would just never wake up ! I am always fighting with my boyfriend, my family, I am always disappointed at everything they do ..
The main thing that I feel led me to all this was the fact that my parents shielded me my whole life. I was raised very happy, optomestic, hopeful. I used to believe everyone was nice and sweet and good to everyone. That life was a fun journey that will be ful of wonderful surprises.. That life consists of stages and I should enjoy every stage and have fun with everything. Everything used to make me happy, food, music, friends, a nice movie, just simply having nice weather used to make me smile. I dont enjoy anything anymore. I keep getting shocked of how different the world turned out to be, of how people are not who i expected them to be, of how much sadness there is everywhere !!! It was just shock after shock after shock till I reached this point that I am at right now. I lost hope in everything.. i dont feel joy anymore.. food doesnt taste good, I only eat junk over and over just to convinve myself that im enjoying something.
I cant concentrate on school work, I cant get through a single page of material. I cant sit and write an essay for more than 15 minutes.. I cant get ANYTHING done.
I cant sleep untill 5 or 6 am no matter how tired i am.. and i cant wake up before 4 pm everyday !! my whole day is gone for nothing !! The whole time im sleeping, I am tossing and turning and suddenly waking up and always dreaming of bad things !!
What sucks the most is that no one takes me seriously, my boyfriend thinks i am spoiled and i have everything i need and i should count my blessings and stop complaining. Everytime i tell my mother this she says that she spoiled me too much and i need to appreciate everything life has to give instead of whine and complain. My friends think its relationship problems and thats it ! Everytime they see me sad they add on to it.. they make me feel stupid for even having these feelings.. and they dont understand anything i say to them.. they think its silly girl problems that dont matter and im just having a bad day !!
I have no one to talk to .. no one to stay up with me at night when i cant sleep.. no one to make the day easier.. i dont know who to turn to or where to go ..
I wanna feel better i really do but i dont know how.. i wanna appreciate everything, i want to look at life positivly but i cant.. nothing makes sense anymore ..
where do i go .. when everyone whose close to me doesnt get me ? who do i turn to ?