So, this online counsellor believes I have taken on a 'saviour' persona and see myself only as that and have done so for many, many years. She figures that I should see a long term therapist to try to establish my identity so that I figure out what I really value, what I really want, etc. She cautioned against simply giving up my saviour persona (cause it may push me to depression), but I should tone it down considerably and set limits and try to focus on saving my own self.
That actually works with the way I perceive my situtation. Despite my reticence to believe an email counselling service would help me out, I found that I can more clearly and concisely state what is going on, and what I need, in print.
So, I took a walk last night and ended up at my storage locker across town. I looked through a couple things and found my Briggs-Myer Personality test I did a couple years ago for career counselling prior to getting my BA. I am an INTP… only 1 to 5 % of the population is of this type lol. No wonder I don't feel like I fit in anywhere…
It's funny that just today I read a comment on my last blog to check into my personality type; good advice, I think looking at the social side of INTP really does give me a starting place of what I need to do to balance out my approach to life.
It is also interesting and funny as hell that Einstein was an INTP. Now I am intelligent, but no friggin genius, but boy oh boy, do I have Einstein's way with dressing and grooming 🙂
The counsellor figures it could take up to 2 years of therapy to 'build my identity', and she encouraged me to invest the time and money to do so. Don't know if I'm willing to do that, but I have to consider getting some help. Right today I feel good, but my life usually feels empty and often feels desperate. I can mask this problem and I can survive the pain it causes me, but would I advise someone else to do the same? No.
Maybe it is time to save myself.
Peace, tout le monde.